


Alone

by wonlywoo



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fluff, Implied Sexual Content, Inspired by Al1 teasers, It'll make sense in the end, M/M, Mingyu Centric, Mingyu is very confused and lost, Writer Wonwoo, wonwoo is well um
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-11
Updated: 2017-11-26
Packaged: 2018-11-12 21:33:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 40,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11170515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wonlywoo/pseuds/wonlywoo
Summary: Kim Mingyu can’t move forwards or backwards. He is trapped in an endless loop of time without any memories. Although little by little, he uncovers the stories he treasures the most— the ones hidden in the lamps, the clocks, the waters….He just wants to remember who his heart longs for; yet the more he remembers Jeon Wonwoo, the more he realizes just how alone he truly is.





	1. The Different System

The first time he opened his eyes, he was lying on a scratchy woolen carpet. A small chandelier dangled above him on the ceiling. He blinked a couple of times and lay there for who knows how long, feeling blank as ever. His legs were wobbly when he stood up and observed the room around him.

It was a strange room but it intrigued him. In front of him two small identical sofas sat beside one another, and between them was a small table, with a lamp and a picture frame. A large expanse of opened windows stretched behind the sofas against pale beige walls, and translucent white curtains blew calmly in the breeze. He looked down at himself squinting at his large rough looking hands, and also noticed how his pale blue shirt was buttoned all wrong. Slowly, he started moving towards the windows. Palm trees and lush tropical plants grew just outside of the house surrounding a deck. Beyond that, his eyes met shades of blue stripping across the horizon. The air smelt of salt and the sound of lapping waves against the shore felt peaceful.

Slowly but surely, the hazy dreamlike state he was in was fading, and there was one dauntingly clear fact that was staring straight at him: he had no clue what this place was. But no, no that wasn’t all…. something else was missing. Something important. But for some reason, he couldn’t quite place a finger on it.

He looked down at his hands again carefully watching the movement of his fingers, when all at once the realization slapped him square across the face. His body went stiff. It wasn’t just that he didn’t where he was, he didn’t know _who_ he was. His name, his age, the people he knew— it was all gone, and it all made no sense. He understood the world around him; that the sky was blue, that the seasons change from winter to spring to summer to fall; yet he knew absolutely nothing personal about himself and his connection with other people. There was not a single specific face, name, or place connected to him that he could remember. He didn’t even know what he looked like.

His breathing grew rapid and a pool of dread sat in his stomach as he frantically looked around. To his left was a wall with a large open entranceway leading to what looked like a dining room with a table with two chairs. He then whirled around to look at the opposite end of the room and what he saw made his stomach drop. 

Eyes widened in horror yet utmost curiosity, he trembled and moved cautiously towards the mirror that stretched from ceiling to floor against part of the wall. At least it looked like a mirror, but what on earth was it? The mirror, or whatever it could be, only reflected a frozen image of the room. The sofas, the curtains, the lamp, they were all there, creating a reflection of the room. Yet everything was still. The curtains reflected in the mirror were frozen in the midst of what looked wind blowing into the room. It was as if someone took a snapshot of the room in a single moment in time and somehow placed it into the mirror.

The most alarming part was _him_ in the mirror. His reflection had the same clothes he was currently wearing but stood completely still, staring back at him. He slowly lifted his palms up to touch his reflection, but his movement wasn’t mimicked. His reflection simply stood there, hands at its side, frozen. He couldn’t help but observe his image on the mirror and touch his own face. “Huh, so this is what I look like” the man muttered out loud. “Not bad I guess… though what would I know?”.

As he continued staring back and forth between the room and the mirror, an especially violent gust of wind blew into the room, knocking over the picture frame on the small table beside the sofa. He immediately whipped his head back to look at the mirror, but there was no difference in the reflection; the frame still stood upright.

He made his way towards the fallen photo frame and picked it up. The photo was of himself, and a handsome Asian man with silky hazelnut coloured hair who had his arm around his shoulder, and was making a peace sign with his other hand. The two of them were smiling widely with what he perceived, (despite his lack of personal memories), as a genuine sort of happiness, with the other man’s head resting slightly against his shoulder.

He continued staring at the photo when he realized there were wet tears dribbling down his cheek. “Huh?" he touched his face alarmed with an unmistakable aching in his chest. Of everything that had happened that day, this feeling by far was the most confusing. Why on earth would he involuntarily cry looking at a photo of this guy he didn’t even remember? He shook his head, quickly wiping his cheeks and thinking he’d had enough as he placed the frame side down on the table so he wouldn’t keep looking at it.

If he could find his phone, maybe he could look through it to find out more about himself. He rushed around the room looking behind some books on a bookshelf, on the sofa, on the carpet, all with no luck. He went through the entranceway to the dining room, which had a table, and on it were two apples. One apple was bitten, and one wasn’t (it all was quite odd). His stomach rumbled and he groaned, he hadn’t even realized how hungry he was. He took the unbitten apple and continued searching for his phone.

Connected to the dining room was a kitchen, and the only thing separating the two was a bar with two tall seats. His eyes scanned the kitchen and finally, he saw his phone. Relieved he took it, but it slowly dawned him that he didn’t even remember the passcode of all the things. Regardless, he tried turning it on, but it wouldn’t turn on. Well great. Forget getting as far as to attempt some password combinations, the phone didn’t even have battery in the first place, and the charger was no where to be seen.

The man could only sigh as he decided to explore further and exited the kitchen moving into an open hallway where he found stairs. The house so far lacked much signs of living, almost like those beach side houses you’d see in the magazines for homebuyers. Strangely enough, he liked it; it was uncluttered, and more relaxing and peaceful that way. As he munched on the apple, he located three bedrooms.

One was completely empty, with just a bed, rug, and unused closet. Another room had more signs of living, although it looked like whoever had been there, no longer stayed in this room. The were two or three books left on the shelf, the bed wasn’t made, and the closet had a few hangers but no clothes, but that was about it. There was also an old boxed television set in front of the bed. He finally walked over to the last bedroom feeling more familiarity. This had to be his bedroom. The shelves were stacked with books, papers and folders. There was work on his desk, and a briefcase sat beside his unmade bed. He quickly rummaged through it, finally locating his wallet and diver’s license. “Kim Mingyu” he murmured out loud. So that was his name… “Born April 6th, 1991,” he continued reading.

He quickly rummaged through his bag some more and found a planner that read ‘2017’. Mingyu stared at the numbers for a while, letting his thoughts wash over him. If it was 2017, and he was born on 1991… that meant he was 26. There wasn’t much else in the wallet or the bag except for some credit cards, cash, and more of what was probably work. He scanned all the papers on his table and furrowed his eyebrows; they all seemed like English essays. He flipped through his planner, mainly finding things about meetings, appointments, work to finish, and so on.

Closing the planner, Mingyu looked on his desk. On it was a wristwatch that read 2:30pm, and there were also a couple picture frames. One picture seemed to be his family, and another one was him with that same man he saw in the picture frame downstairs. Clearly this guy was someone important to him. Mingyu squinted, what were they? Friends? Lovers? Wait… did he even like men? He wanted to scream, he didn’t know. He simply didn’t know. He couldn’t remember anything no matter how hard he tried; and every answer he found, just brought up 5 more questions about himself.

He paced the room; there was no phone charger to be found anywhere that he might as well give up. He walked towards the large glass doors of his bedroom that led to a balcony and gave a serene view of the beach and ocean.

He stepped out onto the balcony silently watching seagulls swooping through the sky in the distance, and for the first time that day, Mingyu finally felt calm. Not happy, not relieved… Just calm. His facial features relaxed into an introspective stare as he watched the rush of waves in the ocean. He was becoming more and more aware of an aching emptiness that filled him inside and out. Only now, in the blank state of his mind was he noticing the loneliness that pooled into the depths of his chest like black ink; as if it had been there this whole time, but he only noticed it now. 

"What an awfully big house only for me.” Mingyu murmured as he gazed across the horizon once again.

Maybe there was someone coming to stay in that other bedroom, he pondered as his eyes trailed back to the photo of that man on his desk. He shook his head with a sigh and made his way back downstairs, moving towards the areas of the main floor that he hadn’t looked at yet. He located another room that only had about 4 things: a piano, a desk with two odd and old looking identical lamps, and a chair. At the corner of the peculiar room was a wooden door with a small window. Mingyu walked to that door and peered out. He saw stone steps leading to huge patio with a pool.

“Wow” he breathed, and laughed at himself. He was impressed with his own house. Or was this really his house? Judging by the photos and bedroom he assumed it must be.

He then walked into another room across the hallway that contained a grand looking TV, some more sofas and a small tea table with a rotary phone. “What the hell” he whispered out loud. 

It was 2017 right? But then again, the house did seem unusually old fashioned. Other than the electronic appliances, there were items such as candle lit lamps, old-fashioned fabric couches, and even an ancient looking TV set upstairs. He decided to try using the rotary phone (something he surprisingly knew how to do) but it refused to work. “Great,” Mingyu muttered. One phone was dead, and another was broken.

He sighed and wandered back to the room where he had first woken up, and collapsed on one of the couches. He hung his head back and closed his eyes. He knew he should probably go outside and look for signs of human life but honestly, he was too tired for all of this. He might as well just head out tomorrow. He could go find a clinic as well, and look for some way to retrieve his memory. As for now, he just hoped that there was enough food in the fridge for lunch and dinner. Well as it turns out, there was a nice cold turkey sandwich sitting in the fridge, which he proceeded to immediately scarf down.

The afternoon bled blankly into evening with Mingyu simply sitting around flipping through TV channels. He felt exhausted, and in all honesty, a little frightened. It was just him in this big house and he wasn’t quite sure what to do with himself. Eventually, he changed into the first pair of pajamas he could locate in his closet and crawled into bed. He sat there for a while staring wide-awake at the dark ceiling, unable to fall asleep.

Intrusive and unnerving thoughts clouded him about his memory and if he was ever going to get it back. The back of his eyes stung and threatened to spill with all of his pent up confusion and frustration built from today. He just wanted to know what the hell was going on.

Was that too much too ask? 

Maybe it was...

Because the next day didn't get any easier. 

 

The second time Mingyu woke up, he was once again on a scratchy woolen carpet with a chandelier dangling above him. He lay there lazily for a bit staring at the chandelier when all at once yesterday’s memories came flooding back and it immediately snapped him upright. The familiar feeling of panic and confusion closed up his throat when he looked back down at his clothing, his vision going in and out of focus momentarily. 

He was no longer wearing his pajamas or sleeping on his bed as he had done last night. Instead, he was right back to the way he first woke up: in the middle of a living room, wearing a loose blue shirt with mismatched buttons and dark black jeans. Mingyu staggered to stand up, his head feeling strangely heavy as he frantically tried to come up with all the possibilities as to what had happened. Did he sleep walk into this situation and even change back to these clothes in his sleep? The idea seemed so ridiculous, but he couldn’t find any other way to explain this.

The day felt so hauntingly familiar and reminiscent of what he had already experience prior; the same cool breeze of wind ruffled the curtains and the sun shone gently, hanging high above the sky. It felt like mid-afternoon, which made no sense either... he couldn’t have slept for so long. Mingyu’s eyes immediately went to the picture frame. It was upright again; no longer face down the way he thought he had left it yesterday.

His legs shook as he made his way through entranceway leading to the kitchen only to see those same two apples sitting on the table by the sunlight. He ruffled his hair out of frustration straining to recall everything he did yesterday. He was positive that he had eaten one of the two apples, so why?... He was still lacking memories beyond anything that had occurred yesterday, but now he was starting to doubt himself.

Was _this_ all just an absurd dream?

If so, then he wanted to wake the hell up. Mingyu pinched himself a little too hard than he had intended and yelped in pain. Ok no, this definitely felt real.

In a rush he ran upstairs into his bedroom only to see his pajamas neatly folded and back in his closet. He sat at the edge of his bed unsure of what to do with himself and how to make sense of any of this. Beside him on the ground he noticed how all of the contents he had taken out of his bag the evening before, were back inside the bag as if it had never been touched. Glancing quickly at the digital clock on his desk, it read “2:10pm”.

“Holy shit” he breathed. He recalled that yesterday, when he came up here for the first time the clock read 2:30pm. It wasn’t difficult to put two and two together after that. He had spent about 20 or so minutes looking around downstairs yesterday…. which meant today he had woken up at the exact same time. It was like everything had reset to the moment he first remembered: waking up downstairs.  
But what on earth did that mean? He didn’t know. Was he hallucinating? Was this all just an illusion? 

Mingyu clenched his jaw. That’s it. He had had enough. He needed to get out of this creepy fucking place as quickly as possible. 

He grabbed his bag and ran downstairs to the kitchen and opened to fridge, grabbing that turkey sandwich that magically seemed to have reappeared, despite Mingyu being positive that he had that digested that thing hours ago. Of course, his dead phone was sitting back on the counter as well. Shoving whatever he could in his bag, Mingyu took off towards the grand double doors of the house. Grabbing the door handle, he suddenly slowed down and a wave of nervousness washed over him. What would he see outside? Did his neighbours know him? What was he thinking leaving anyway…? The spark and bravery he had felt just moments ago, fizzled out like a candle dunked in water and he felt himself shrink with anxiousness and worry, his fingers lightly trembling on the door handle.

“Ah fuck it” he muttered and pulled open the door, stepping out into the bright sunlight.

Mingyu wasn’t sure what he expected to see, but he definitely envision something so seemingly _normal_.

His home seemed to be in a very secluded and peaceful location, as he could spot no other houses around him. On his porch was a blue bicycle that looked a little beat up. There was a stone tiled pathway leading from the porch to a fancy looking iron gate that fenced the house. To his left was a huge double driveway with a dark electric blue Volkswagen glinting in the sun. On his right were stone pathways winding through a perfectly manicured botanic garden leading around the corner of the house. Surrounding the property were lush tropical trees and plants, along with one road that ran across the front of the house.

Mingyu looked in his bag once again and triumphantly found a set of keys. He quickly locked the house behind him and opened his car. Stepping into the car, he suddenly felt anxious. He knew how to drive… right? No, he was positive that he knew how to drive he’d probably have no trouble with it… yet what made him uneasy was the fact that he couldn’t exactly remember driving anywhere. He drew in a shaky breath.

“You’re thinking too much Mingyu,” he whispered to himself and looked at the GPS on his dashboard. It slowly dawned on him that he didn’t even know where he lived. He grabbed the GPS off its stand and pressed a couple buttons until he found what he was looking for. His house seemed to be located in the small costal town of Tiburon, California, and the drive to the city of Belvedere was very short. He sighed with relief and turned the car key to start up his car… nothing happened. He tried again and this time the car made a faint sputtering until it faded completely.

He stared in disbelief for a couple seconds. This could not be happening. Mingyu was moments away from losing it... no forget moments away, he had already lost it. He screamed in frustration, slamming his fist against the steering only to wince in pain afterwards.

First the phones, now the car? It was like… it was like something was _trapping_ him here; something that cut off all his connections with the outside world and other human beings.  
He was so… alone.

Mingyu dragged in hands down his face trying to calm down and talk himself into believing that things weren’t so helpless; and that he didn’t feel so lost, and confused all the damn time.

He stepped out of the car, not bothering to check the engine, and sat on the steps of his porch with a slump. The blinding sun was making him squint so he looked away and turned back to his right where a bike rested against a bench on the porch. It was unusual for sure; considering how everything around him was so fancy and well: perfect looking, the bike seemed so out of place. It was all beat up, scratched, and the frame really looked like it needed replacement. He wasn’t sure if it was safe to ride, but it still definitely worked with the tires and handlebars perfectly intact.

Mingyu pulled the bike along to gate and decided this was the best option for him. For now, he just needed to get out of here and find some humans, be it by a fancy car, or by a beat up looking bike.

“Well here goes for nothing,” he muttered and hopped onto the bike. To his immense relief, yes: he could ride the goddamn bike. Even if he didn’t remember ever riding one, he could, and that was enough.

He sped up to gain momentum, his hair flying in the breeze and made sure to pay attention around him. He rode for at least 5 minutes on this impossibly winding and curving road with an endless number of hills, yet to his disappointment, not a single other house, car, or person was spotted. Still, he knew he couldn’t stop now, and he held hope at the back of his mind that eventually he would see someone. Sweat dribbled down his forehead as he went uphill, and when he reached the top, he finally he saw something through the thick of the trees. A house! Mingyu grinned and sped up even more on the downhill, growing closer to the house. There was an iron fence surrounding it and a car that looked awfully… wait…. his jaw went slack and the wind made his eyes water as the momentum of the bike pushed him even faster on the downhill. That wasn’t just a house. This was his house. The house he had left only minutes ago.

“Nononono” he muttered in panic.

No this didn’t make any sense, he had only gone straight on this road, and there was not a single other road that he had intersected with, so how on earth did he loop around to the exact same spot he had started?!

Before Mingyu was able to freak out any further, he heard an uneasy rattle coming from his bike and he looked down to see a couple screws and hinges flying from the frame that attached his bike to his tires.

“Oh fuck,” he whispered, completely losing control of the handles before being flung off the road and into a ditch.

 

***

 

“Mingyu I want you back immediately, do you understand me?”

Mingyu glared at the man in front of him. No…no he didn’t understand. Living under the control and lies set up by his uncle. Unable to escape, unable to flee, he had worked like a slave for 3 years under his command. Just when he thought he had broken free, his uncle comes here to drag him back to the wretched hellhole of a city and company.

“No,” Mingyu breathed. “Fuck no.” He felt dizzy, almost like the ceiling was too low and building pressure against his head.

“Don’t be like this now Mingyu. You’ve already caused your mother so much trouble, you-” 

“Don’t talk about my mother,” Mingyu snapped, and his voice started rising. "You said you’d help. You said you’d help me find him. But you didn’t! 3 years and NOTHING!” 

Bitter tears stung the back of his eyes.

“I tried Mingyu,” his uncle smiled apologetically at him, but Mingyu could see straight through it. 

“Liar,” he growled. 

The small smile dropped off his uncle’s face and he simply sighed shaking his head. “You know…” he started again. “You and your father aren’t all that different. Both brainless fools running wild, trying to escape your responsibilities. It’s all quite cowardly and pathetic. Soon, you’re gonna end up just like him: gone. Off laying in some ditch somewhere.”

Mingyu’s eyes widened and it felt like the world was tilting. His father couldn’t be… no….

His hands balled into fists, and without thought he stormed up to the man and yanked him close by the collar. 

“Where is he?!” By now, angry hot tears were pooling in Mingyu’s eyes. 

His uncle looked unfazed. He only gave a small venomous smile, “I already told you.”

Mingyu lowered his shaking fists and stared at the ground. “No,” he whispered. 

His uncle turned around. “Well seeing as you’re not going to come with me, it’s fine. I guess I’ll just work around this little bump,” he sighed.

Mingyu looked up from the floorboards, his eyes wide. 

“Just tell me,” he croaked out before his uncle could leave. “Why did you keep me in place in that company with all those lies. You said you knew where he was, that you knew you would find him; why on earth did you come back here if you didn’t need me anyway?” 

Although his uncle was turned away, he could sense the cold and cruel smile playing across the older man's lips. “Ah Mingyu-ah, you’re so naive. Truly foolish, though I admire your strong will,” there was a small pause and chuckle. "You think your grandfather was just going to hand things over to me? That company is rightfully my stupid brother’s. Therefore it’s yours too… of course I needed to show your grandpa that I was a caring figure that would help you adjust and take charge of the company." 

Mingyu’s fists tightened. “Right. Because grandpa always viewed you as a selfish monster,” he spat out.

Maybe that remark hit a sensitive spot because his uncle whirled back around; his calm cruel demeanour had immediately been replaced by anger in his eyes when he looked at Mingyu.

“I’m so close to getting the company. I don’t need you anymore,” his uncle snarled. “Maybe you would’ve made the transition easier which is why I came here; but seeing you so uncooperative, I realize you'll only make things worse. I don’t need you anymore,” he waved off with flick of his hands and stalked off.

Mingyu could hear the slam of the front door moments later, and then everything was silent. He just stood there in the middle of his living room surrounded by the piles of boxes, with only the sound of his chest heaving as his eyes went glassy. He burned holes into the beige walls of his new house and suddenly he didn’t want to be here anymore. He stormed out slamming the door shut behind him, and looked around on the porch unaware of what to do as anger continued to build inside of him. He felt like fire was boiling in the pits of his stomach and he clenched his fists.

Without any more thought he grabbed his bike that sat at the edge of the porch and sped off down the road. He pedaled harder and harder with absolutely no thought or direction. He felt a bit like he was underwater, completely unaware of the world around him. There was only a dizzying kind of rage that made his vision blur and his chest heave. He could barely feel the burn of his lungs, his feet, his palms, his head, as he sped down the road. It was as if everything was muffled and blurred both around and within him. He only pedaled faster and faster. Even as he went downhill, he couldn’t stop himself from pushing harder, the air speeding past him making him feel so.... unaware of _anything_. 

Unfortunately these feeling fizzled as quickly as they came. Mingyu blinked a couple times and the world was no longer so muffled. The remaining moisture in his eyes escaped from the corners and disappeared as droplets into the wind, Suddenly he could see what was in front of him on the road, and all he saw was that he was that he speeding straight into the back of a man walking on the same bike trails as him.

“LOOK OUT!” Mingyu screamed and without any time to build panic or even think, he jerked of his handlebars to the right, veering straight from the road and into the lush of the woods, just barely before a collision occurred. The last thing he felt before his vision faded to black was a dizzying wave of pain, paired with a loud thud as he smashed into a tree. 

***

Mingyu gasped for air, his eyes widening as he lay among dead leaves and prickly grass and plants. He slowly realized that he was lying in some ditch, staring at the bright, saturated, blue of the sky. He half expected to get up and see the man that he had almost run over with his bike... once upon a time. But he was painfully aware that those were just memories. Memories that had come back to him. He shuddered with excitement, completely ignoring the emotions those memories held; of the pain and anger he had felt from his uncle’s betrayal, the one who he thought he could trust. The thought of simply remembering was too exciting for him to care for now. Even if the memories were just bits and pieces, Mingyu’s heart swelled with hope and anticipation. Maybe they would all come back to him eventually. He just needed things to trigger them, like crashing his bike. He frowned at that thought. The only issue was that he clearly had no idea what would trigger them until they actually came. 

With a sigh he got up and brushed off his wrecked and muddied pants, wincing in the process. Only now did the pain from the fall shoot through his shoulder blades and side of his ribs. He realized his hands were scraped and bleeding a little as well. Grabbing in between the handles of his bike with his less bloodied hand, he shoved his bike back on the road and made his way back to his house (which by the way, only happened to be a couple meters away). Mingyu couldn’t help but stand outside the open gates for a while with a begrudging look. How on earth did he get back here again? He had stayed on the same road the whole time, yet here he was. What was this, a looping racetrack? The scariest part was that he saw no other house, car, or human in general either.  
Another sigh escaped him as he half lifted, half dragged his bike that was falling apart and simply dropped it on the front steps. He did not want to deal with this right now. He rummaged through the kitchen cupboards until he found some alcohol pads and bandage. Gently he started dabbing the pad against his scraped hands and shuddered at the sting and burn it left against his skin. 

***

Mingyu heard a muffled voice, his ears ringing, and he vaguely felt hands on his shoulders shaking him a little. His eyesight was fuzzy but he could see the outline of a person. Slowly, his vision cleared and he blinked a little. An Asian man with hazelnut coloured hair was hovering over him looking absolutely terrified.

"Oh god,” the man sighed in relief. Mingyu struggled to get up and quickly the man’s hands went to the small of his back and gently pushed him upwards so that he was no longer lying sprawled on the forest floor. He sat there for a while feeling a bit dazed, trying to register what happened. Right, he had almost crashed into this guy on his bike. He slowly and painfully turned his head to see his bike looking pretty wrecked a metre or two away. 

Then he turned back to the guy who was kneeling in front of him and staring with worry. “Are you uh, able to stand up?” His voice was deep and calm. It somehow made the ringing in Mingyu’s ears lessen. 

He couldn’t quite formulate his words to answer the question, so he just started dragging himself from the ground only lasting a second upright before his knees felt wobbly and he nearly stumbled into another tree.

“Whoa there!” the guy caught him as Mingyu swayed a little. “Jesus, don’t get up so quickly like that.”

“Sorry,” Mingyu winced, resting his weight fully against the stranger’s side.

The man turned to look him worriedly. “Uh, do you feel nauseous?” 

“No,” Mingyu mumbled “Just a little dizzy.”

The stranger creased his eyebrows, “should I call for help?”

“What? Oh… uh no!” Mingyu shook his head a little too vigorously, which only caused his head to pound some more. “I- I’m ok. My house is only like half a mile from here. I’ll just go back and take care of this,” Mingyu pointed at himself. 

The man glanced down at his bleeding elbow, then at the cuts on his knee that were clearly visible with the new fresh rips on his pants. 

“Ok well... I’ll walk you back.”

“You really don’t need to, it’s fine.” 

“I just witnessed you ram into a tree and black out for like a minute. You may or may not have suffered a minor concussion, and have the likely possibility of fainting again,” the man coolly responded. “I think I need to.”

Mingyu had no answer to that so he just let his arm get slung around the stranger’s shoulder who was slightly shorter than him, and the two slowly started making their way to Mingyu’s house. 

They had spent a minute or two in silence until the man cleared his throat. "I’m Wonwoo by the way. Jeon Wonwoo.”

So this guy was Korean as well... “Uh nice to meet you. I’m Kim Mingyu,” Mingyu still felt the thrumming in his head but at least he was able to hold a typical conversation now.

“Not exactly the nicest meeting if you ask me,” Wonwoo mused. 

“Yeah no, definitely not,” Mingyu sighed. He had always been a walking human disaster, but this was the worst. “I mean, I almost ran over you with a bike because I was too stupid to watch where I was going and now you’re stuck taking care of me.” 

“It’s alright Mingyu. I’m in no rush to get anywhere,” Wonwoo responded gently. “Besides, I shouldn’t have been walking on the bike lane.” 

Mingyu just shook his head but decided not to argue with it, instead attempting to make some small talk. “So, are you from around here?” 

“Not really. I just moved here like a week ago," Wonwoo answered. "I got a job as a child minder for this family a couple miles from here. But that doesn’t start till September, so I currently I’m working at a camp.” 

“Oh wow,” Mingyu remarked. “Just moved here too. Well, it’s only been like a day for me. My teaching position starts in September as well.” 

“Eastway elementary?” 

“No, Tiburon high." 

“Oh, Highschool kids,” Wonwoo wrinkled his nose and then laughed. “Kidding.” It was a deep resonating kind of laugh, and Mingyu’s insides went warm from the sound. His head still felt like it went through a blender, but this conversation was helpfully distracting.

“Hey! Highschoolers are fun to work with ok.” 

“Ah yes, all that youthful rebelliousness and the awkwardness of growing up.” 

They’ve arrived back at his house by now. Despite the easy conversation, Mingyu's head was only pounding harder. He squeezed his eyes shut and thought Wonwoo might’ve taken notice of that, because he spoke up. “Here I’ll help you bandage your knees. You don’t look like you’re in good shape to do that yourself.”

He wanted to tell Wonwoo that they didn’t even really know each other and he was putting him through too much trouble, but Mingyu honestly really didn’t want to be left alone in his house at the moment. At least not immediately, so he only absentmindedly nodded. 

He led Wonwoo to the back of his house, navigating around the boxes spread through the main floor and to the kitchen. Wonwoo turned on the sink and ran Mingyu's hands and forearms under the water. The blood was washing away to reveal scraped pink skin. Mingyu was embarrassed; he wanted to say he could do this own but suddenly felt needy for another human’s touch. And it didn’t help the fact that Wonwoo’s hands were really stupidly soft. 

He was then gingerly lowered into a chair where Wonwoo washed off his knees with some wet paper towels. 

“The bandages are in the box in front of the fridge labeled ‘Random Important Shit’. Plus there are icepack in the fridge,” he mumbled as Wonwoo returned with an icepack and a first aid kit, and knelt down to start dabbing an alcohol pad against his knee. 

Mingyu sucked in a breath from the burn of the chemical and Wonwoo quickly looked back up at him. “It’ll sting a little.” 

He only smiled weakly, “yeah it’s fine”. Something about this situation made him feel strangely hollow. 

Wonwoo hummed faintly as he moved onto wrapping the gauze, and a wave of sickness suddenly washed over Mingyu. He suddenly couldn't stand this sight. Of… of this man he barely knew, being so gentle, so caring of him. Something painful and lonely stirred inside of him. When was the last time someone took care of him like this? His hand clutched the sides of his chair and he started panicking, trying to keep his emotions under control. He couldn't break down now; yet the more he tried to focus on the faint sting of the alcohol on his knee, the more tears pooled in his eyes and blurred his vision. He blinked and big fat blobs of tears fell down his cheeks. His shoulders started shaking through the quiets sobs that escaped his lips.

Wonwoo looked up first surprised and then looked almost a little scared. His mouth hung open, and he immediately stood up dropping the alcohol pad. “Oh my god,” his voice was hushed. “I-I’m so sorry, I really should’ve not been on the bike lanes, and now you’re all hurt and this is all my fault and-"

Mingyu stopped mid-way a sob, and looked up to meet Wonwoo’s stare, his eyes wide and still full of tears. “N-no,” he stammered out alarmed. “I... I-I’m not crying because of THAT,” he managed to choke out. 

There was a pause.

“Oh,” Wonwoo seemed to be at a loss of words, his hands awkwardly hovering over Mingyu’s shoulder as though he was unsure of whether he should touch and comfort the stranger at all. 

“And… and that was completely my fault anyway, don’t apologize.” 

Wonwoo stared nervously as though Mingyu was going to have another break down any moment again. “I-I still should’ve paid more attention around me."

Mingyu shook his head and wiped his tears away, his face feeling blotchy. “No really, it’s fine.” 

Wonwoo nodded slowly, shifting the weight of his feet. He seemed fairly uncomfortable. He looked down at the bandages and antiseptics on the floor and went back down to finish what he had started, working silently to patch up Mingyu’s knee and elbow. 

After a minute or two, Mingyu finally broke the silence by clearing his throat. “Uh sorry you had to see that. I made you uncomfortable….” he grimaced staring out the window. Wonwoo finished taping the last bit of gauze on his elbow and turned his head to meet the other's eyes. Mingyu was starkly aware how close the two of them suddenly were. Wonwoo probably noticed the same thing and leaned back more.  
“No, it’s ok,” Wonwoo’s eyes softened and he looked less cautious and nervous than before. "I just didn’t know what to do… sorry,” 

“That’s not your fault,” Mingyu managed a small pitiful laugh.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Wonwoo’s voice was gentle but firm. In a way it reminded Mingyu of that calm, yet strong push and pull of waves against the sand that he loved to watch so much. “I mean, I know I probably can’t do anything, but sometimes it’s just useful to tell someone you barely know about it…” 

Mingyu smiled a little at that. 

“Uh not right now. I mean, I don’t feel ready to talk about it right now. But…” he hesitated staring at the titled floor. “Maybe another day?”

Wonwoo looked surprised by the offer. 

“I mean we both just moved here,” Mingyu rushed out. “I honestly don’t know anyone else, a-and I thought it would be nice to um… have a new friend or something. It might suck less. But like if you already have friends then…” he looked up and wondered why he was running his dumb mouth like this. “I mean, only if you want to!” Mingyu wanted to die. What kind of a fully grown man asks another fully grown man if they wanted to be friends and then gets so flustered by it? What were they, 12 year old girls? 

By now Wonwoo wore a small amused smile. “Yeah sure, why not,” he responded, eyes crinkling softly, causing a strange feeling to stir in Mingyu’s stomach. “Your number?”  
Mingyu’s mouth grew dry and he wanted to slap himself. He was acting like some overly shy and insecure boy who had never been asked for his number before.  
“I do know where you live now, but I don’t randomly want to show up uninvited like a creep,” Wonwoo continued, still looking fairly amused. 

“Yeah of course,” Mingyu settled down his nerves and smiled back this time, giving Wonwoo his phone. In all honesty, he wasn’t sure why he was acting like this. He was usually more assertive and confident. In fact, he was pretty sure he was kind of known as a flirt back in college, though he wasn’t exactly proud of that title. It’s not as if he was a fuck boy or anything. And ok, he wasn’t trying to lead on any girls, it just kind of happened because of his overly extroverted, friendly attitude. Plus, his charming looks certainly added to it.

“Well anyway. I guess I have to leave now,” Wonwoo said glancing at his watch. 

“Oh, uh yeah. Thank you so much. Seriously. You did too much.” 

“You’re welcome Mingyu,” the man smiled. 

The two moved to the door with Wonwoo tying up his laces. 

“Anyway,” Wonwoo said as he stood up to face Mingyu, “be sure to go see the doctor ok? The head injury might be more severe than you think.” He reached out to tap the ice packed tied against Mingyu’s head.  
“See you,” Wonwoo gave another small smile and walked off. 

It slowly dawned on Mingyu that he was softly smiling at the sight of Wonwoo's retreating back. He immediately frowned at the realization and quickly shut the door and turned back around.

He went and sat back at his dining table and absentmindedly stared at the folds and pleats of the bandage on his knee. He then pictured Wonwoo’s careful and focused eyes as he had wiped his knee with the alcohol pad….

***

Mingyu blinked a couple times. He was still holding an alcohol pad against his scratched hand. He was surprised by the influx of thoughts, images and conversations. It almost felt like an overdose of emotions all rushing in and crowding his head at once.

They were all just memories and Mingyu knew that. Yet somehow, in the silence and emptiness of the house, with only the sound of wind chimes faintly tinkling to accompany him, Mingyu was suddenly aware of a faint sting on his hands, legs, arms— every part that Jeon Wonwoo had bandaged and touched.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes- this is not beta read (please feel free to point any errors in the comments- it would be helpful ^^) 
> 
> Anyway, I suppose I plan on finishing this before Seventeen's next comeback at the latest.


	2. An Everlasting Being

3 days. It had been 3 days and Mingyu felt like he was on the verge of going insane. 

Every time he woke up, it was as if he was in a loop. No matter what he did, no matter where he tried to go, it was always the same. He would wake up on the living room carpet, with a blue shirt and black jeans. It would be 2:00pm with the sun high in the sky. Any food he had eaten would reappear as if it was untouched. No matter how many times he tried to leave, he would end up back in the same spot: in front of those wretched gates. And the scariest part of it all was that there was never a single human in his sight. 

Everything about the house seemed to scream at him “you can’t escape”. 

And that was true, he really couldn’t. 

The only thing that seemed to calm him down were the memories: memories of that bright laugh and crinkled nose, memories of sharp dark eyes and a deep warm voice. Everything about Jeon Wonwoo drew Mingyu like a magnet, even in his mind. Or maybe it just seemed that way because he was desperate for human interaction. And so far, the only other person that Mingyu could "see", even if only through his memories, was Wonwoo. 

The memories came in snippets and clips at the most random moments. Something he did usually managed to trigger them. Like one time, Mingyu was eating some leftover pasta and all at once he could remember the time Wonwoo came over for lunch. They had eaten pasta and spoke aimlessly about their families, their jobs, whatever it was that wasn’t too personal too share. When Mingyu asked where he lived, Wonwoo was hesitant to reply, but regardless, told him that he lived in the Oshawa district. Mingyu had frowned at that. Wonwoo was living in the sketchiest most rundown part of town. If there were slums in that city, that district would be it.

* * *

“It’s not safe there you know.” Mingyu quietly mentioned.

“Well when you don’t have money, you learn to make and do with it.” Wonwoo chuckled, but it sounded bleak.

Mingyu was suddenly painfully aware of their difference in social status. Except it wasn’t a matter of handwork and intelligence that separated them: it simply came down to the fact that Mingyu was born into a rich family and Wonwoo wasn’t. On top of that, he seemed to have had a ton of bad luck with his employment opportunities. 

Wonwoo loudly cleared his throat as if he noticed what was running through Mingyu’s head. “So what about your family?” 

Mingyu stared blankly out the window. “What about my family?” 

“Um…. are you on good terms with them?” 

It was Mingyu’s turn to chuckle humourlessly. “Not exactly.” 

Wonwoo drew his eyebrows together. “How come?” 

Mingyu wasn’t sure if he should share this with Wonwoo, but he realized he didn’t really care, he just wanted to get it off of his chest. “Well my father is—or more like was… the CEO of this big multi-million dollar car dealership. Uh, but well… he kind of always liked to run off at random times you know?” 

Wonwoo looked a little confused. “Run off? Where?” 

‘I don’t know… it didn’t happen too often, but sometimes he would just poof! vanish for months. It’s probably way more complicated than what I think, but my grandpa said my father was always like that,” Mingyu frowned. “He just didn’t know how to follow the rules and that him randomly leaving like that was just him seeking a little adventure and getting away.”

Wonwoo hummed in understanding. 

“When he was gone my grandpa would just take over…. but well, gramps is too old for that now,” Mingyu sighed as Wonwoo patiently waited for him to continue. “The last time my father disappeared was 3 years ago. I haven’t seen him since."

Wonwoo went stiff. “Mingyu, I’m so sorry.” 

Mingyu could only shake his head, “I… I don’t know what happened. The longest he usually leaves for is a couple months. I had to take over the company since then. I wanted to run off too but my uncle told me that if I stayed he’d help me find my father.” 

Mingyu noticed the way Wonwoo was carefully watching him. It was as if those sharp piercing eyes could see through all of Mingyu’s emotions and understand everything. 

“But he never did help you, did he?” 

“Nope.” Mingyu weakly smiled. “There’s no limit to the kind of sleazy scumbag my uncle can be. He just wanted the company. He didn’t care about anything else. He’d rather have my father OUT of the picture,” Mingyu paused a bit, trying to keep his voice neutral. "He only pretended to help me out for 3 years to get on my grandpa’s good side." 

Wonwoo nodded, starting to understand the entirety of the situation. 

“That day I nearly crashed my bike into you… that was the day my uncle told me everything.” 

Wonwoo’s mouth shaped into an ‘O’ before closing again and he quietly asked, “You know, since your uncle wanted the company so badly, you don’t think he…your father...”  
Mingyu immediately understood what Wonwoo was trying to say and he just shook his head. “Trust me, I’ve thought about it, and no. My uncle even tried to get me to believe that but after thinking about it, I realized it was nothing more than a bluff to scare me off.” 

“Then what about the company? It sounds like a big deal… is it really ok for you to just...” Wonwoo’s voice trailed off. 

_…for you to run off?_

“It’ll be alright,” Mingyu answered. “My grandfather might be old, but he’s still as terrifying as hell. He won’t let my uncle do whatever he wants just because he trusts him more now.”  
“Well that’s good.”

“I don’t know why…” Mingyu continued. “But I just- I just get the feeling, with me gone, and only my uncle there, my father would come back. I mean, no way would he let my uncle make a mess of the company.” 

Wonwoo didn’t say anything at that. 

“Do you think I’m foolish to think that?” Mingyu lifted his head to meet Wonwoo’s eyes. 

“I don’t know if that’s for me to judge,” Wonwoo responded sounding a little lost in thought. “You know your father better than me or anyone else. If you think that, then why would I call it foolish?”

Mingyu chuckled softly. “Alright.” 

“Is that why you left?” Wonwoo suddenly asked. “Why you left the company I mean.” 

“No,” Mingyu shook his head. “Being the CEO… I realized it simply wasn’t my thing. Well ok it never was; but I left after suspecting my uncle’s lies.” 

“So being an underpaid, overworked teacher is your thing?” Wonwoo was smiling. 

Mingyu grinned back, “Yeah. I’ve always wanted to do it.” 

“What about the rest of your family, were they supportive of it?” 

“If you’re talking about my mother, no definitely not.” Mingyu sighed. “ She’s always wanted me to take over my father's company. She practically begged me not to go.”

“But you left anyway.” 

“Was that selfish of me?” Mingyu’s voice wavered a little. "To put my dreams over my family’s company?” 

There was a pause. 

“Yeah I think it was selfish,” Wonwoo’s voice had a sudden intensity to it. “But, I think that’s kind of what dreams are like right? They rarely come easy. Sometimes you need to let go of certain things important to you in order to reach them.” 

Wonwoo was no longer looking Mingyu. He was staring out the window, a distant look in his eyes, his voice strangely masked. 

Mingyu sat for a bit, surprised at Wonwoo’s words. “I don’t want to lose anything though,” Mingyu eventually said.

“Well who does?” Wonwoo’s responded flatly. “That’s probably why few people actually chase their dreams, and why there are so many people out there living unfulfilled unhappy lives.” 

Mingyu sat there suddenly feeling nervous. “Yeah but what if it wasn’t worth it in the end?” 

Wonwoo finally smiled at that. “You’ll be fine Mingyu. You’ll probably love your new job. It’s not as if you went into this blind.” 

Mingyu sighed at the reassurance. “Yeah you’re right.” 

"Besides, you’re not broke. You have a plan you can fall back on, don’t you?” 

“Um yeah… of course.” Mingyu felt suddenly wondered what Wonwoo always wanted to do. Was he already doing it, or was there something he else? “Hey Wonwo-” 

“Oh dammit!” Wonwoo abruptly got up looking at his phone. “I nearly forgot! I had an appointment to get to.” 

“Do you need a ride?” 

“Thanks, but I’m good! I brought a bike with me this time, and if I pedal fast I should make it.” Wonwoo rushed to put on his sandals, and ran out the door.

Mingyu was watching from the doorway when Wonwoo suddenly stopped halfway down the stone pathway and turned around. With the corners of his lips curled up into a pretty catlike smile, and his eyes curved into little crescent moons, Wonwoo waved brightly. “Thanks for lunch!” 

Mingyu stood there momentarily dumbstruck and awkwardly waved back, wondering why his heart felt like it was going to give away. 

The answer was clear and plain as day. Maybe Mingyu had known since the moment he started speaking to this guy but was only letting himself admit it now…

He liked Wonwoo. And not just the kind of “like” that blossoms between friends. 

* * *

Mingyu stared pensively out at the horizon from his deck, his elbows propped up on the railing. It was the fourth day and he had yet to find SOMETHING that could get him out of this time loop or whatever it was that he was stuck in. There were still places he hadn’t gone to yet. One of them included the beach behind his house. Mingyu walked barefoot down the wooden deck until his feet met the hot, white sandy beach. He eventually headed towards the water where he felt the gentle tide wash over his toes as they dug into the soft wet sand.

Mingyu rolled up his jeans a little and walked further out into the water until it reached a little higher than his ankles. He wondered if he found a boat and sailed out into the sea, he could finally leave this place. He could end up in some far off land, but that would be ok because anywhere would be better than here.

Maybe if he just closed his eyes he could wish himself out. And he could go find Wonwoo. He could even go see his mother. Mingyu closed his eyes and at that moment a little water splashed onto his face. He snapped his eyes open sputtering a bit, only to see two birds flocking around close to the water. 

“Jeez,” he muttered, wiping his brow and stared, transfixed on a pair of birds as they swooped up and down, splashing sparkling beads of water into the air.

* * *

“Ahhh stop!” Mingyu yelled standing on the sand before the tides as Wonwoo proceeded to send splashes his way.

For the past month, Mingyu had felt he had gotten to know Wonwoo quite well.

Wonwoo liked the colour blue. He love spicy rice cakes, and hated seafood (yes poor him, having to live in a coastal town). He loved long walks and hikes in the forest. He would surprise Mingyu every time during their walks when he would point out all the plants and flowers in the forest as well as other random facts. Where did he manage to store all that excess knowledge? He was also a complete bookworm, and was fond of reading in the hammock set up on a tree by the beach behind Mingyu’s house. Mingyu would occasionally catch him typing stuff on his laptop too, but Wonwoo would quickly put it away whenever Mingyu came close. But most of all, the most noticeable quality about Jeon Wonwoo was that despite seeming so serious and smart at times, (and being a year older than Mingyu in his mid-twenties), he was oddly playful and childish. 

Wonwoo laughed, in a boyish, airy tone and splashed a little more. “If you don’t want to get splashed, come in with me!” He was standing a couple meters away from Mingyu, only feet deep in the water. 

“But you’re wearing shorts!” Mingyu whined. "These are my good jeans ok.” 

"Then I guess it can’t be helped.” Wonwoo tipped his head to the side and the corners of his mouth curled up in a foxlike mischievous grin, his eyes gleaming in the sun. He looked so ridiculously handsome. It felt like the air around Mingyu had suddenly vanished.

Wonwoo shuffled closer to shore, looking as though he was about to get out of the water, when all at once he bent down and sent huge splashes hurling towards Mingyu.

Mingyu let out an unmanly screech, just barely dodging Wonwoo’s attack. “Ok, ok! I’m coming in jeez, stop!” He laughed and tried as best he could to roll up his jeans though they barely got above his ankles. Regardless he jumped in, immediately sending a wave of water at Wonwoo.

Jeans be damned. 

The air sparkled with the splashes of water sent back and forth between the two, only laughter filling the silence of the quiet afternoon. Mingyu eventually ended up with his arms secured around Wonwoo's shoulders threatening to push him into the water. Wonwoo giggled, yes _giggled_ , trying to break free.

“You know...” Mingyu panted a little out of breath, “You sure do spend way too much time here. Do you really not have anything better to do? No friends?” 

“Do you want me gone?” Wonwoo laughed as tried to break free. 

When Mingyu didn’t answer, Wonwoo stopped wriggling for a second a turned his head to face Mingyu. He grinned that typical catlike grin of his and stepped back with his feet slipping behind Mingyu’s ankle and elbowed his side. 

Mingyu yelped and immediately let go, tripping over Wonwoo’s ankle as he toppled backwards into the water.

Wonwoo turned around and doubled over with laughter. 

“My jeans.”

This only made Wonwoo laugh harder. “They were doomed anyway.” He bit his lips when he caught Mingyu glaring up at him.

Wonwoo leaned down and held out his hand to help Mingyu up. “Sorry, sorry, I’ll wash them for you, ok?”

Mingyu bit back his smile taking Wonwoo’s hand. In a split second he jerked his hand causing Wonwoo to tumble into water face first beside him. 

Mingyu broke out into laughter. “Seriously, you didn’t think I’d be the only one soaked today did you?” 

Wonwoo coughed and sputtered as he got up on all fours in the ankle high water. He turned to look at Mingyu with a grin and shoved him a little. “You’re the worst.”

“Hey you pushed me first!” Mingyu yelled, and they burst out into laughter again.

Wonwoo finally turned around and the two sat in the water for who knows how long, doing nothing but appreciating the comfortable silence and the squawk of seagulls. They were totally soaked anyway. 

“Ah seriously,” Mingyu finally sighed hanging his head back to look at the azure blue of the sky. “I haven’t played around like that since I was ten.” 

“You should do it more often then,” Wonwoo smiled. He got up to crouch with his knees pulled to his chest, and absentmindedly started drawing swirls in the water with his pinky.

“You’re so childish.” Mingyu shook his head with a chuckle.

“Speak for yourself,” Wonwoo bit back. “Besides, that’s what happens when you spend too much time around children. You’ll be like that soon, don’t worry.”

Mingyu laughed. “I don’t know about that.”

“Oh you will be. Soon enough, your uptight little rich boy ass will vanish into thin air.” 

“Hey, who are you calling uptight?!” Mingyu pouted indignantly as Wonwoo stood up with a teasing grin. 

“Anyway, we’re soaked and should probably get out of the water before one of us catches a cold or something,” Wonwoo said as he headed off onto the sand and Mingyu trailed behind. 

Wonwoo lifted his shirt to wring them dry, revealing an expanse of well-toned and lean abdomen muscle. His wet shirt stretched a little across his shoulders so that Mingyu could very clearly see his protruding collarbones. Wonwoo looked up to meet Mingyu’s eyes with his eyebrows raised, the loose strands of his slightly wet hair falling over his forehead, and Mingyu gulped. 

He was ogling wasn’t he? He was.

Mingyu quickly looked away, his face heating up. 

“Hey, I’m gonna go get my towel,” Wonwoo broke into his thoughts. “Do you want me to get yours too?” 

“Huh? Oh, yeah. Sure.”

As Wonwoo walked off, Mingyu settled down underneath a tree. The sound of a phone buzzing caught Mingyu’s attention and he impulsively picked it up. Mingyu immediately realized it was Wonwoo’s phone, and set it back on the hammock where they had left both their phones to avoid getting them wet. He put it back quickly, but not fast enough to avoid reading the contact name labeled “Lydia <3”. Mingyu’s stomach flip-flopped. 

By now Wonwoo had come back and threw a towel over Mingyu’s head. 

Mingyu could just let Wonwoo check his phone on his own, but he was too curious now. 

“Hey, uh, I saw that someone called you. Lydia I think was it?”

Wonwoo’s smile dropped off and he groaned. 

“Huh what’s wrong?” 

Wonwoo stared back coldly. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Mingyu stomach sank. “Oh um… then why…” 

Wonwoo groaned. “Look I’m a moron ok.”

“Elaborate.” 

Wonwoo paused for a bit as if deciding whether he should answer Mingyu. He finally gave up and sighed, sitting down on the hammock and motioning Mingyu to sit beside him.

“We haven’t exactly broken up, but I’ve been avoiding her for like a month. Before I moved here we got into this big argument. Well it wasn’t just that…we’ve been kind of rocky prior to that for a couple months anyway.” 

“So, break up with her?” 

Wonwoo pursed his lips. “It’s not that easy. It usually is, but we’ve been friends since high school and… it’s just hard to hurt someone like that”.

“Do you like her a lot?” Mingyu felt his stomach squeeze painfully at his own question.

Wonwoo gave him a strange look. “I guess?” 

Mingyu furrowed his eyebrows.

“Ok so maybe not,” Wonwoo laughed. “That was a really half hearted response. But I mean, it just felt like all of my relationships?”

“Your other relationships?”

“Yeah, I dated one girl in Highschool, two in college, and Lydia is the one I’m dating right now.” 

Mingyu tried to ignore the fact that he said _girls_ , tried to ignore the stupid painful thoughts that flooded his mind. All he needed to do right now was be a half decent friend and listen.

“What were those other relationships like?” 

Wonwoo paused to think. “Well, sometimes I liked them, and I asked them out. Sometimes they were the ones that asked me and I said yes if I had an interest. Whichever way it went, in the end I guess I didn’t like them as much as they liked me. I always think I do, but I realize that once it’s over, I don’t feel any pain. Maybe a little sorry, and also some regret because it was probably my fault we broke up, but other than that… nothing.” 

Wonwoo paused and sighed once again, sounding more tired than anything. 

“I’ve never felt heartbroken in my life.”

“Why would you want to feel heartbroken?” Mingyu muttered. Being heartbroken sucked; like what Mingyu was feeling right now. He literally felt his heart cracking at the edges as he spoke (or ok, maybe he was just being dramatic, but that’s what he felt). 

Wonwoo liked girls.

He had only dated girls.

Mingyu was very, very likely falling for a straight guy. Why did he always manage to dig himself into sorry holes like this? He didn’t know why it felt like this whole time Wonwoo might have been interested. He was so, so wrong. Wonwoo probably only came by Mingyu’s house a lot due to the proximity of his part-time job, and the fact that Mingyu kept inviting him over obviously. Mingyu wondered if he was being annoying. 

“It’s not that I want to feel heartbroken,” Wonwoo finally responded. “But, to be heartbroken, that also means you had to have genuinely liked someone right? Or maybe you were even in love. I want something like that... I want to feel those things, but I-” Wonwoo’s voice broke off and he looked a little lost, smiling blankly at the ground. 

“Oh,” was all Mingyu could get out as silence stretched between them.

“The thing is,” Wonwoo suddenly blurted out, “I do actually have something I want to do.”

Mingyu met his eyes in surprise. Well this was an interesting twist of conversation.

“I’ve always, really wanted to be a writer, a published author.”

Mingyu only nodded.  
_So that was Wonwoo’s dream. That was why he was always typing and typing away on his computer._

“So why don’t you try going and publishing something?” he asked at last. 

Wonwoo frowned. “I can never seem to write something I’m satisfied with. I’ve always wanted to write a love story, like a romance novel, but it always turns out, well, superficial I guess?”

Mingyu nearly choked on the water he had been chugging from his water bottle. He coughed and wheezed for a couple seconds before blurting out, “you… you want to write a romance novel?”

Wonwoo’s cheeks faintly turned pink, “W-what? Is it that weird?” 

“No I mean,” Mingyu squinted in the sun trying to get a better look of Wonwoo’s face. “It just seems unlike you.”

“I know that, but that’s what I want to do ok!” Wonwoo responded sharply before sighing. “But it never turns out the way I want it to. I don’t think I’d be able to get any agent with my current work. I could read as many love stories as I wanted, but the moment I go down to set down my own words down on the page, they always feel empty. I guess my work reflects the state of my love life up until now.” 

Wonwoo chuckled but it sounded bleak.

“You should have more confidence in yourself you know,” Mingyu quietly said. “I have never read any of your stuff, but simply by talking to you and seeing you type so intently on that laptop, I can tell you have enough drive to be a published author.” 

“Oh um, thank you,” Wonwoo chuckled awkwardly. He was staring down at the ground, and if Mingyu didn’t know any better, his ears were a little red. 

Even if Mingyu was most likely already doomed with his feelings, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of triumph in seeing Wonwoo get all flustered over his compliments.

“And you know…” Mingyu’s voice grew quieter and he leaned against Wonwoo’s arm a bit. When Wonwoo didn’t move away from the touch he continued, “…You’ll probably find someone someday. Someone that you really like; someone who you won’t want to let go of.” 

Wonwoo looked up, the colour of his face clearly a darker shade now. He only nodded silently in response to Mingyu.

Maybe Mingyu was being too much, but he simply couldn’t help it. The more he stared at Wonwoo, the more his feelings would hit him like a truck. Every time Wonwoo spoke softly, or smiled shyly, or even got serious; every time he recited some useless fact, or cracked some lame joke, Mingyu liked all of that and more about Wonwoo. He couldn’t imagine how any one else wouldn’t feel the same way. 

Mingyu wanted to ask if he could read Wonwoo’s work, but something about Wonwoo’s disappointed face as he spoke about his writing held him back from pressing any further; at least for now.

“Ok I think we spoke enough about me.” Wonwoo finally said with a stiff laugh, his face returning to his usual complexion. “Uh so what about you?” 

“What about me?” 

“Well um, are you in a relationship currently?”

Mingyu laughed. “If I was, I don’t think I’d be hanging around you so much.” 

“Hey it wouldn’t hurt to ask, I mean look at me,” Wonwoo gave a quirky smile.

Mingyu rolled his eyes. “We both know that’s not going to last much longer.” 

“I can’t say you’re wrong.” Wonwoo sighed.

“Yeah ok, well you think your love life sucks?” Mingyu huffed. “I haven’t dated someone since I started working at the company.”

“Oh wow, 3 years?”

“Yeah I don’t know, I had a lot on my plate then with my father and the company and everything. The last person I saw was at the end of college…”  
Mingyu paused for a second. 

“Well um…h-he was a business major too.”

He cautiously watched Wonwoo’s face for a reaction. It seemed as though no matter how old he got, the remains of closeted and bullied Kim Mingyu from high school always trailed behind him like crumbs of flaky pastry. And so, Mingyu’s slight hesitation when confiding in others about his sexuality never did disappear completely.

“I see,” Wonwoo murmured simply, without batting an eye. “Did you like him a lot?” he asked, repeating Mingyu’s own words. 

Mingyu’s throat suddenly went dry and he bit his lip. The last thing he wanted to talk about was Hong Jisoo to Wonwoo. It had been three years yet thinking about him still pained Mingyu and his temples throbbed when the memories he had tried so hard to suppress came flooding back. 

“Yeah…” 

“I see,” Wonwoo looked at him curiously. Mingyu knew he was waiting for him to tell him more. 

“His name was Jisoo. I think we broke up because his parents didn’t approve of him dating other guys.” 

“You _think_?”

“I was aware of the difficult situation with his family, but when it came to the break up he didn’t really give me more than one line about how his family didn’t approve, so I don’t know for sure what exactly happened. He just kind of completely pushed me away, cut all contact with me. Even when I chased after him, he didn’t answer any of my questions and… that was it.” 

“That was it?” Wonwoo asked in disbelief. 

“That was it.”  
Wonwoo stared at the ground, swinging his legs a bit, “Man that’s messed up.” 

Mingyu didn’t say anything at Wonwoo’s comment, because yes, it was messed up. It messed Mingyu up too for quite a while, both emotionally and mentally. Their break up had come like a crushing blow to him, and Mingyu seriously did not want to attempt to remember anything about his relationship with Jisoo. They weren’t exactly 100% happy considering both of their ever present family issues and insanely busy schedules, but things were looking up for the two of them and changing for the better, and Mingyu was already thinking he was in love. Obviously Jisoo’s feelings were nowhere close to his. And that thought probably hurt Mingyu the most.

“How long were you two together?” 

“For almost 2 years.” 

“That’s quite a while for such a screwed up ending,” Wonwoo quietly spoke. 

“I’m over it.” Mingyu said. 

Over the course of this conversation, Mingyu’s voice had gotten progressively quieter and weaker. Maybe he was making a strange face because Wonwoo was looking at him unusually, with an emotion he couldn’t quite identify.

This time it was Wonwoo who shuffled a bit closer towards Mingyu. Mingyu stared back at Wonwoo’s dark yet timid eyes, unsure of what exactly would happen. Wonwoo reached his hand out as if he was going to touch Mingyu’s shoulder; instead he went for the towel wrapped around him and draped it over Mingyu’s head.

“You hair is still wet.” Wonwoo softly murmured and he began lightly rubbing Mingyu’s hair with the towel.

“Uhm, thanks,” Mingyu laughed when Wonwoo’s moved his hands more rapidly and ruffled up his hair. When the movement stopped Mingyu slightly lifted up the towel over his eyes to take a look at Wonwoo. His heartbeat picked up when he noticed how Wonwoo was way too close to his face for comfort, and still wore that strange look in his eyes.

Wonwoo was the first to break eye contact, and Mingyu awkwardly looked down at his feet when he remembered something important, looking at their damp clothes. “Dammit, we still haven’t changed.”

“It’s alright, I never get sick.” Wonwoo shrugged. “I’ll just let the sun and towel dry me off. You on the other hand… go change out of your ruined, expensive jeans.” 

Wonwoo grinned at him, only half teasing. 

“What? No way! It’s fine I’ll give you some of my dry clothes, come on,” Mingyu pulled Wonwoo up and practically dragged him by the arm as they headed back into the house.

* * *

Mingyu took a deep breath.

“WHAT’S THE POINT?!” he screamed at the top of his lungs, feet on shore of the beach. “WHAT’S THE FUCKING POINT OF THESE MEMORIES HUH?!” 

He was yelling out to an empty body of water, with only the orange and red hues of the setting sun and flock of birds to listen to his frustrated cries. 

Mingyu stared down as the tide washed over his feet and retreated, washed over his feet and retreated, over and over again. This never-ending repetitive motion of the water pretty much described the state of his life right now.

But even then, the state the tides changed throughout the day. Meanwhile, nothing for Mingyu changed. And the memories didn’t help. They didn’t help him escape, they just made him remember and long for things he seemingly could never obtain.

Suddenly, a dizzying thought struck Mingyu. Why hadn’t he thought of this before? 

He was so desperate to escape, but what if he didn’t have a life left outside of this “state”?

Maybe all Kim Mingyu really was, _was dead_. 

And this is what the afterlife looked like for him.

Mingyu wasn’t sure if he followed any religion, or even believed in god and the after-life, but currently the thought seemed all too real, and paired with his somewhat wild imagination, it was enough to make his breath hitch.

Mingyu crouched down on the sand and curled up, tears threatening to prick his eyes. 

Maybe he was overreacting and creating ghosts for himself, but the thought of ‘being dead’ felt strangely close to home. It caused an unusual and terrifying feeling to stir in his chest. 

Somewhere along these thoughts, his stomach started clenching painfully. The rush of waves filling his ears, the push and pull of the water washing over his feet, the sounds of splashes being produced by flocks of birds, all of it… simply this presence of water surrounding him, all of it made him feel weirdly sick to his stomach. 

And all Kim Mingyu knew was that he didn’t want to die.

He didn’t want to be dead.

All he desperately wanted to do right now was to have lunch with Wonwoo again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly no matter how many times I wrote the dialogue for this, I never felt satisfied...
> 
> And ok sorry about using Jisoo as the ex ;A; (I just used him because Mingyu is at the end of his Al1 teaser). Lol and I wasn't actually trying to paint him as a 'bad person', but that's what kind of ended up happening or this chapter would be wayyyy too long and irrelevant.


	3. The Truth Inside of the Illusion

Mingyu slowly learned that after being frustrated and angry for quite a while, you start feeling tired. You start giving up and you become too exhausted to try and fight. 

What did giving up look like for Mingyu?

It looked like him lazing around and watching TV all day; it looked like him laying in the sun, by that big pool of his, taking pointless naps; it looked like him no longer bothering to get up anymore from that living room floor every afternoon and make lunch for himself.

In short, it was just pure and utter, torturous **boredom** , and just losing the motivation to do well… anything. 

He had stopped counting the days, when eventually on one particular evening Mingyu stopped to wonder if he was going a little crazy. The previous day, he had scribbled faces on the fruits in his fridge with permanent marker and had a lengthy conversation with them about life. 

Yep, Kim Mingyu was probably losing it. 

The memories about Wonwoo that had previously kept him some company had thinned away and rarely came to him nowadays. And though his strange behavior lately was quite questionable, Mingyu felt like he could justify himself that he was wasn’t crazy, just bored. Besides, he kind of very much missed talking aloud to someone else. And so, it was either that creepy frozen mirror of his, thin air, or the fruits. He would probably pick the last given those options. 

Today Mingyu was feeling more motivated than usual so he actually got up and wandered into the room that led to the pool. Instead of exiting there like usual, this time Mingyu plopped himself down in front of the piano. He really needed to stop talking to inanimate objects, and decided that music might be the best choice to keep him occupied.

The only problem was, did he even know how to play? 

When Mingyu lifted his hands, his fingers seemed to fall naturally onto the piano. He felt a strange sense of familiarity and immediately knew that this wasn’t his first time on the piano. Sort of like if you hadn’t biked in 10 years, but once your feet hit the pedals you were riding away without even understanding how you could still do this. It was as if the nerves of his brains were suddenly alight with a spark, threading and connecting in all the right places, Mingyu’s hand flowed seamlessly like ripples across the water as he played smooth cohesive arpeggios.

He shut his eyes and exhaled as if it was his first breath of fresh spring air after an endless winter; as if it was his first time laying on vibrant green grass after months of pasty bleak skies, and slushy snow that caked the world into an endless gray and white blanket. The feeling of the blocky piano keys and clear flowing notes made him feel more alive than he had in days or weeks- however long he had been trapped in this limbo.

He took a stack of books that were neatly compiled together at the side of the piano and shuffled through them. Most of them were classical pieces by all the famous composers Mingyu was all too knowledgeable about.

At the bottom of the pile however, he found a red folder that was different from the rest of the books. He flipped open the folder and was surprised to see sheets of handwritten music. The sense of familiarity with the pages of music was stronger than ever, and he abruptly stopped on one piece titled “Eternal”.

Mingyu squinted unsurely at the music, setting it on the stand in front of him, and just like that he began playing. At first the notes were soft and curious, an uncertainty within them, like a child’s first ginger and wobbly steps. Then Mingyu realized his hands were more or less moving on their own and he hardly needed to pay attention to the pages in front of him. The song felt all too familiar against his fingers and slowly but surely, it was as though the child was now breaking out into a clumsy run.

***

“What’s this song?” Wonwoo asked curiously looking up from his laptop.

“Eternal,” Mingyu answered after a couple beats. “I wrote it”

The two had been sitting in what he had deemed the ‘piano room’ for half and hour or so with Mingyu on the piano, and Wonwoo curled up in a blanket writing up whatever the hell it was that he was working on, (Mingyu still didn’t want to ask to read it).

Wonwoo said that Mingyu’s playing helped him focus on his writing, and so that was how they sometimes spent the evening after Wonwoo’s work ended. This was Mingyu’s first time playing his own piece in front of Wonwoo. He didn’t write a lot of music and was in no way extremely skilled with his compositions, but writing music sometimes kept his mind off of life when he needed it.

“Wow you wrote this?” Wonwoo sounded nothing short of amazed. He put his laptop down on the rattan chair, letting his blanket drop to the floor as he walked over to Mingyu, curiosity edging into every bit of his features as he stared at the sheet music. 

“It’s really nothing,” Mingyu laughed. “You should hear my friend Jihoon play, now _he’s_ impressive.”

“No no, shut up, your playing is beautiful ok,” Wonwoo tipped his head to the side in wonder. “But why is this music so…” 

“Not happy?” Mingyu suggested with a knowing smile.

“It’s so lonely… and lost sounding,” Wonwoo stared at the piece with an intensity. “How come you wrote it like this?” 

“I wrote it off of a dream I had.” 

“A dream?”

“Yeah, well more like a nightmare honestly.”

“What was it about?” Wonwoo looked at him curiously. 

“Well…” Mingyu started hesitantly, feeling a bit embarrassed to describe his nightmare that he could still remember vividly even after 4 years. “It was at my old house. In the dream I woke up one day to find that I was completely alone. Like every body was suddenly just gone. My family was gone, my neighbours were gone, everywhere was just deserted; it was as if the entire world just shut off and I was the only one left. When I tried to go off to find my family, I would just circle back to the place I had started, minutes later. I was completely trapped.”

Mingyu shivered picturing the dream again. 

“Sounds fucking bent.” 

“Oh it was,” Mingyu frowned. “The scariest part about the dream was that it was so dark. Like there was no night or day, just a gray veil that covered the sky. It was like all the happiness was sucked out of me the more I stood around in that place. I know it was only a dream, but it felt so real, and it was kind of terrifying. I forget almost all my dreams, but I can’t ever forget this one.”

“And so you decided to write a piano piece about it?” Wonwoo raised his eyebrows teasingly.

“It’s easier to write a piece that comes from stronger feelings you know?” Mingyu responded, waving around his hands to emphasize. “Even if it’s things like fear and loneliness.” 

“Deep,” Wonwoo grinned which elicited an eye roll from him. “Hmm, well I think you should write a part two for this composition.”

“Huh?”

“A happier ending to that dream. Like you finally find someone else in that abandoned lonely place.” 

Mingyu tilted his head in thought pausing for a bit. “Yeah… I could do that.” 

Wonwoo shyly smiled and shuffled closer. Mingyu turned around from the piano to completely face Wonwoo now. 

The two sat encased in silence and thought for a while until Mingyu wondered what exactly they were doing. Wonwoo wouldn’t turn away from him and had a strange look in his eyes.

What was is it in the way Wonwoo was looking at him?

It was a soft and fond look at the edges, yet somehow so unyielding… and there was something else... Mingyu couldn’t pinpoint what it was exactly, but it caused his stomach to flip nervously and anxiously, as if he was waiting or counting down to _something_. 

_4… 3… 2-_

“I broke up with her.” 

The silence was sliced cleanly in half as Wonwoo finally dropped his gaze. 

“What?” Mingyu asked. 

“Lydia,” Wonwoo said. 

“Oh,” Mingyu nodded trying to keep both his expression and voice as neutral as ever. “How did she react?”

“Better than I expected actually,” Wonwoo shrugged. 

“That’s good,” Mingyu genuinely smiled. A small part of him (a _large_ part of him), still felt that sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach when he thought about how unreachable Wonwoo probably was even when they were both single, but he tried to shove those thoughts aside. 

“Yeah thank god,” Wonwoo shuffled back to the chair, back to their careful distance, and sunk down in relief. “That’s one thing off my shoulders now. Honestly, I think she was actually just as done as I was,” Wonwoo said as he pulled up the blanket back over his shoulders and cocooned himself in it. “She was probably thinking about breaking up too. No guarantees we’ll remain friends, but it doesn’t sound like an impossible idea to me.”

Mingyu pursed his lips and absentmindedly nodded, barely paying attention to what was being said anymore. He could only focus on the way Wonwoo was burrowing into the blanket and curling up on the chair with his soft bangs (that really needed a trim) falling slightly over his eyes, and his lips pulled into a small cute pout. 

Mingyu thought he somehow looked like a tiny cuddly cat, despite not being so much smaller than Mingyu. Immediately, he flushed at the thought.

_What nonsense are you thinking of Mingyu? Jeez shut up, Wonwoo might hear your thoughts…_

***

Mingyu stopped playing, his hands hovering over the keys not daring to press anything else. The sudden silence that wrapped the room felt suffocating, like he was sinking into an endless expanse of inky black tar.

 _The dream_.

It was all he could think about as he stared blankly at the piano piece he had written. His own words to Wonwoo rang through his mind again and again.

_I woke up one day to find that I was completely alone.  
I would just circle back to the same place I had started.  
I was completely trapped._

The words thudded against Mingyu’s heartbeat and crept through him like vines peering through cracks of a cement wall. He wondered if he could call this moment déjà vu. Well whatever it was, it turned Mingyu’s stomach inside out. Strange didn’t even begin to cut it.

How could he have had such a dream in the past, yet currently was experiencing almost exactly the same thing? 

Mingyu had pondered over whether he was dreaming or not far too many times already, yet here he was thinking about the possibility again. Lately he felt like he was floating high up in space, so far gone among the scintillating stars. The only thing that pulled him close to the ground was Wonwoo, a man he barely remembered, but felt like he knew all too well. 

Mingyu got off the bench, leaving the piece open on the piano stand and slowly made his way towards the kitchen to make some food for himself. That was enough piano for the day, maybe even for the week.

 

Another memory stirred into Mingyu’s mind only a couple hours later as he was sitting on the couch flipping through some channels on the TV, landing decidedly on the News station. Mingyu sometimes felt like the memories were weird friends of his that would simply drop by during random moments of the day without any warning. Even so, he welcomed them because they somehow kept him company, and his brain preoccupied.

***

It was an abnormally chilly Friday summer night, and Mingyu was curled up in the warmth of his house lazily watching TV with his microwave ready pasta. Of course he was perfectly capable of cooking dinner, but he simply wasn’t in the mood today. He kept flipping through the channels, disappointed to find nothing interesting on tonight. Still, he continued flipping through when a couple of words on the screen suddenly caught his eyes.

He quickly went back to the channel that had his attention, and turned his eyes to the corner to see that it was the local news station. The headlines he had wanted to take a closer look at were now big angry red letters glaring back at him.

“Breaking News: Shooting at Oshawa district, 3 dead, 2 injured” 

Mingyu just about choked on his pasta. He quickly set down his plate and moved closer to the TV… the news reporter was standing in the area, with her back to bright yellow police tape covering the apartment complex where the shooting likely took place. 

His throat closed up and his mouth suddenly felt unbearably dry. He swallowed hard.

That apartment… wasn’t that where Wonwoo lived? He had only been there once because Wonwoo had forgot some important papers for work, and Mingyu offered to drive him back to get them. He had only stayed in his car and waited, but even so, he could still faintly recall the grungy, beat up looking complex. 

Mingyu swore under his breath and rushed to grab his phone. 

His fingers hesitated to go send a text, but he quickly decided it would be better if he just straight up called. Maybe he was overreacting, but right now in this moment, nothing seemed more important.

Without any more thought, he pressed dial. 

“Hello?” Wonwoo’s low voice sounded strangely rough and put out. 

Still, Mingyu breathed a sigh of relief. 

“Hey Wonwoo. It’s Mingyu” 

“Oh Mingyu…” Wonwoo spoke sounding slightly muffled and distracted. 

“I just saw the news and I was worried,” Mingyu quickly said. “Hey, you’re ok right?” 

“Yeah I’m fine Mingyu, don’t worry,” something in Wonwoo’s voice slightly cracked and Mingyu frowned at that. 

“Are you outside right now?” 

“What? Oh yeah I am… my apartment is on the ground level of the building when the um, shooting occurred, so they got us to clear out.” 

“Holy shit,” Mingyu breathed, eyes slightly wide at the thought of Wonwoo being so close to crime scene. Thank god he was ok. 

He could hear a bleak chuckle from the other end. 

“I’m ok don’t worry too much.” 

“So, you’re stuck outside in the cold?” 

Maybe Mingyu’s voice sounded quite worried because Wonwoo quickly tried to reassure him. “They’ll probably let us back in soon, seriously! Don’t worry.” 

Mingyu bit his lip, “No, I’ll just pick you up ok?“ 

“What? No, it’s fine. Really, Mingyu I’m-”

“No, you don’t sound too good, I’m picking you up,” Mingyu firmly responded not allowing another word in. And it was true, Wonwoo did sound faintly distraught, though he did his best to cover it up.

“Ah seriously why are you like this…” He could hear Wonwoo sighing but there was something akin to relief in his voice. 

Mingyu slightly smiled, and with that he hung up.

 

When he pulled up to the parking lot, he could immediately spot Wonwoo’s dark raven black hair and thin tall figure leaning underneath a lamppost, shivering slightly in his dark hoodie. 

The moon was full tonight with not a single cloud in the sky letting the entire sky dip in a dark indigo.

There was an almost ominous feeling in the air that set Mingyu’s nerves slightly on edge. He came from behind Wonwoo and tapped his shoulder, which made the other jump a bit.

“Oh, you’re here.” 

Wonwoo did look relieved to see him and Mingyu’s eyes trailed behind him to see the yellow cautionary tape that surrounded the area of the apartment along with the rows of police cars lining the area which blocked the view of much of anything. 

Something about the scene made Mingyu move closer and put his hands on Wonwoo’s back, in a way that seemed almost protective. Wonwoo looked up at Mingyu tipping back his head and his eyes narrowed slightly at the movement. 

“It’s chilly, let’s just head to the car ok?” Mingyu mumbled. 

Wonwoo only shook his head to say yes. 

When they got in the car Mingyu made no motion to turn on the engine.

“Hey, are you sure you’re ok?” 

Wonwoo sighed, “Didn’t we already go over this? _Yes_ , I’m ok. Not a scratch on me, see?” Wonwoo turned his body a little to face Mingyu and gestured towards his face.

“Ok ok, it’s just, you sounded nervous on the phone so…”

Wonwoo was quiet for a moment, “well, yeah it kind of freaked me out a little, but I’m all good now.”

He threw Mingyu a calm, collected smile as if to reassure him, or maybe reassure himself, he really couldn’t tell. But Mingyu didn’t miss the way his pupils quivered slightly. “Besides, there’s a lot of crimes in this neighbourhood, I guess I just need to live with it,” Wonwoo shrugged looking out the window and back at the apartment where some police officers were controlling the crowd, which probably consisted of other residents of the apartment, as well as onlookers who likely just came by to see what the commotion was. 

Mingyu frowned. “That honestly doesn’t sound good.” 

“Well it’s what it is,” Wonwoo sighed again sounding tired. “I’m guessing I’m sleeping at your place considering you came to pick me up?” 

“Yes,” Mingyu spoke slowly. “I mean, I figured you don’t want to go back in there tonight,” he motioned towards the apartment with a jerk of his head. “Even if you won’t admit that,” he quickly added. 

This finally got Wonwoo to crack a small smile.

“Have you eaten dinner yet?” Mingyu asked

“Nope. I was taking a nap after work when the fiasco occurred. But honestly, I don’t know if I have an appetite right now.” 

As if on cue, Wonwoo’s stomach rumbled and Mingyu raised his eyebrows. Wonwoo chuckled faintly, “Alright I might be a bit hungry and I didn’t even know it.” 

“Stop by at McDonalds?” 

Wonwoo smiled, looking more relaxed now, “Sure why not.”

 

It was around 9:00 when they entered the restaurant, which was more or less deserted at this time, people having already finished their dinners. There were however, a couple of teenagers at the back giggling and being noticeably loud in the quiet atmosphere of the place.

Mingyu went to reach his back pocket for his wallet when they neared the counter but Wonwoo stopped him. “Thanks, but I remembered to grab my wallet.”

He simply nodded, knowing Wonwoo wouldn’t want Mingyu to pay for him and since he didn’t really want to buy anything, he made his way to a far off seat in the corner, away and out of view from the teenagers who now seemed to have started a lowkey food fight. He was pretty sure he saw a fry flying across the table at one point. 

Wonwoo eventually joined him with his food, a large burger and fries, and dug in like a starved child. 

“I didn’t have lunch today,” Wonwoo explained even though Mingyu never asked why he suddenly looked so damn hungry. 

“You shouldn’t skip lunch.” 

“Nah, I normally don’t,” Wonwoo mumbled with his mouth full. He swallowed and then said more clearly, “but this one kid at camp was kind of throwing a fit and I had to look after him, had no time to eat. And then after work I was too tired to eat, and so here we are.” 

Mingyu observed Wonwoo’s stick thin wrists and the way they looked so fragile, as if he could just snap them in half like a twig. He frowned. 

“You should really eat more hyung. There’s too little of you.” 

Wonwoo raised his eyebrows questioningly. Mingyu knew it was because he had called him ‘hyung’, which was a bit weird because he had never referred to him as that. But even so, Mingyu found that he kind of liked the way it sounded. It made him feel just slightly closer to home. 

“I’m eating now aren’t I?” Wonwoo brushed him off. Eventually, Wonwoo asked if he really wasn’t hungry. 

“I already ate,” Mingyu responded, but proceeded to reach over to steal a fry anyway. 

Wonwoo gave him a look and Mingyu just laughed. They didn’t exchange any more words until they were out of the building and underneath a blanket of clear night sky with stars twinkling watchfully over head.

“Ugh, I think I might go into a food coma,” Wonwoo whined from behind and Mingyu turned to face him. He was up on the curb so that Mingyu had to tip his head up ever so slightly to meet Wonwoo’s eyes. 

“You didn’t even eat that much!”

“Ok, true… but I think I ate too quickly. I kind of feel sick now, to be honest,” Wonwoo groaned, closing his eyes and leaned his head forward to rest on Mingyu’s shoulder.

Mingyu’s heart suddenly quickened its pace and he could feel heat crawl up his cheeks. Wonwoo never got clingy like this, so he wasn’t quite sure what to do. He simply settled to rub small circles on Wonwoo’s back, muttering a “don’t throw up on me”, so quiet it was barely there. 

Wonwoo abruptly pulled his head back and stared at Mingyu, a peculiar look on his face. Mingyu dropped his hand at his side and realized this was probably super awkward. He was about to pull away when Wonwoo suddenly reached up. 

“Your ears are red,” he almost whispered, brushing Mingyu’s ears in the process.

This made Mingyu go positively _more_ red, and he quickly turned around, not answering Wonwoo.

“Come on, we should get going.”

Mingyu didn’t glance at Wonwoo throughout the length of the ride. 

 

When it was time to get ready for bed, Mingyu showed Wonwoo to one of the empty bedrooms, the one with a large queen sized bed, a boxy TV that looked ancient, and a simple desk + chair. He tossed Wonwoo some of his pajamas: a full-length brown shirt and loose plaid pajamas. Both were slightly a bit too big on him but Wonwoo probably didn’t mind. The guy wore too many oversized sweaters anyway. 

When Mingyu hit his bed, he felt a bit relieved. Wonwoo was sleeping safe and sound in the room right next to his. That was good enough for him. His mind wandered to Wonwoo’s strange clinginess with him at the McDonalds. He didn’t want to think about how he was more than tempted to lean forward and close the gap between them, moving right past the bright red “here is our friendship!” line, that he most definitely was not supposed to cross.

Shit, did Wonwoo even like men? So far, Mingyu was fairly certain he didn’t since he had only ever dated women, but he knew it was no good to assume. Mingyu willed himself to stop thinking about this any more. 

 

It was 1:00am and Mingyu had finally been able to close his eyes for an hour or so when he was awoken by footsteps (he probably wasn’t in a deep enough sleep yet). He lazily got up and stepped outside his room, quietly peeking into Wonwoo’s opened door and it was just as he thought: he wasn’t there. There was a glow coming from downstairs, so Mingyu decided to head down as well.

“Couldn’t sleep?”

Wonwoo was filling up a glass of water. He looked especially lanky in Mingyu’s pajamas, standing there with his shoulders slightly slouched over, and there was an aching sort of tiredness in the way he moved. 

He spoke without turning to looking at Mingyu, “Not much, no.”

Wonwoo gulped down the water immediately, and then simply stood there, rubbing his eyes, his mouth pulled into a tight line. Mingyu walked over and took the empty glass out of Wonwoo’s motionless hand and set it by the counter beside them. He took Wonwoo by the arm, motioning towards the stairs. 

“Try to get some sleep, yeah? You have work tomorrow right?” 

“I told you, I couldn’t.” 

“Is it that you can’t sleep in new places?” 

“No, it’s not that.” 

Mingyu was tempted to ask why exactly he couldn’t sleep, but something about the way Wonwoo’s weary eyes trained on him caused him to steer the other to what Mingyu guessed would be called the ‘family room’, though the term didn’t really apply to him. After all, there was only lone single Mingyu in this house, so it was probably more appropriate to just call it living room number 2. He plopped Wonwoo down on his wide L-shaped couch. 

“You want anything to eat?” 

“No thank you.” 

Mingyu sighed and moved to the other end of the couch and sat with his back to armrest, pulling his knees up to chest. He was facing Wonwoo who sat tiredly, looking at the coffee table in front of him and observed the stiff lines of his mouth and jaw.

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo finally spoke, “you can go to sleep you know? It’s kind of bothersome when you’re the one who brought me over, yet because of me you’re not sleeping either.” 

Mingyu shrugged. “I have no appointments or anywhere to get to tomorrow. I’ll live. I can just sleep in. It’s you I’m worried about.” 

Wonwoo looked at him, chewing his bottom lip as if he didn’t know what to say.

“No really, why can’t you sleep?” Mingyu finally asked. “Is it insomnia?”

“No, that’s not it. It’s just a stupid reason.” 

“There can’t be a stupid reason.” 

Wonwoo let out a weary sigh. “Every time I close my eyes, I can hear the, you know,” he lowered his voice imperceptibly, “ _gunshots._ ”

“Oh.” 

“It was really close to my apartment, even though they were outside.” Wonwoo shivered a little as though a chilly gust of wind blew in. “And I was trying to take a nap too.” Wonwoo chuckled, but it sounded weak. 

 

“That’s not a stupid reason,” he muttered and Wonwoo didn’t say anything at that. 

“Hey, you know,” Mingyu suddenly blurt out. “I used to be scared of thunderstorms as a kid. If it was ever thundering at night, I could never sleep.” 

“Huh?” 

“So, I’d always crawl into my mom’s room and sleep there with her.”

“Mingyu, you were like five.”

“No, I was actually like 11. And it was embarrassing for somebody who was supposed to be a “big kid” you know, but it worked.” 

When Wonwoo didn’t respond and only looked at Mingyu with a surprised but cautious gaze, Mingyu added. “It helps you know. Having someone right beside you. It’s distracting. And less…”

“Scary?” Wonwoo softly asked, almost like a child. 

Without another thought, Mingyu leaned forward and reached out blindly, taking Wonwoo by the shoulder and gently tugging him down beside him. He shifted over slightly, thankful that this was his floor couch, making it wider than regular couches so he wouldn’t have to worry too much about toppling onto the floor. Wonwoo’s head fell softly onto some cushions. It was a slight tangle of legs but they made it work, and Wonwoo didn’t pull away.

In fact, he leaned a bit forward when Mingyu placed his hand lightly at the small of his back. His head rested between the crook of Mingyu’s neck and shoulder and he sighed a bit at the touch, muscles finally relaxed.

Mingyu could suddenly catch a faint scent of something like lavender in Wonwoo’s (ridiculously) soft hair that was slightly brushing his cheek, and he willed himself, once again, to stop his stupid train of thoughts this instant.

Wonwoo fell sleep so quickly it surprised Mingyu and simply left him to wallow in slight despair that he couldn’t do the same. This entire situation was far too _distracting_ to him at the moment, and he was pretty sure the there was a miniature person doing constant summersaults in his stomach. 

Eventually and thankfully, the miniature person must’ve gotten tired because Mingyu woke up the next morning, with Wonwoo still resting against his chest, breathing slow and steady. 

He blinked, feeling a bit unsure of what exactly to do, and a blush was already creeping across his skin. He slowly raised his arms and slipped away from Wonwoo to stand up.

By the time Wonwoo had woken up, Mingyu had already made breakfast consisting of fried eggs, hash browns along with some toast. The two sat across from one another eating and talking about a whole lot of nothing. Mingyu broke into his egg and watched vibrant yellow yolk run through his plate like an unstoppable oil spill.

“Hey Wonwoo,” Mingyu suddenly blurt out. Wonwoo looked up at him questioningly, prompting him to go on. _Shit_ , there was no going back now. Mingyu gulped. Truth to be told, he had thought of this all last night, and all morning, and now he couldn’t stop the thoughts from bursting apart the seams of his mouth. “I’ve been thinking alright… and why don’t you move in here. With me.” 

Mingyu breathed. There, he had said it. Wonwoo’s face looked blank, not following Mingyu at all. 

“Move where again?” 

“Here. To this house.” 

“Uhm Mingyu…” 

“Look, it’s perfect ok!” Mingyu rushed forward. “I bought this big ass house because I’m an idiot. I just liked the outdoor pool and beach right behind and stuff, even though I should’ve gotten an apartment. I mean come on, this house is way too big for one person- like there are 2 whole empty rooms upstairs. Pick any of them. And you. You live in that shitty crime filled neighbourhood. Wouldn’t it be so much nicer here? It’s closer to your work too! Both your summer job and your full-time job starting in September right?” 

Mingyu exhaled. He had thrown out every detail he could think of. He looked at Wonwoo, feeling determined in every bone of his body. He knew Wonwoo would like it better here too. 

Wonwoo had been holding his mouth open, lips slightly parted, as if he wanted to say something but had no idea how. He closed them again, pressing his lips into a thin hard line. He could recognize that expression by now. Reading the cues of Jeon Wonwoo’s face was sometimes no easy task considering how expressionless the man would get at times, but Mingyu proudly thought he had it down by now. This particular face meant that Wonwoo was mulling over something. A face that told him he was thinking a lot, but was restraining himself instead of voicing his thoughts. 

“I don’t know if this is a good idea Mingyu,” Wonwoo spoke carefully. 

“What do you mean? It’s perfect ok! I literally gave you all the reasons why.” 

Wonwoo looked down at his plate. Mingyu had a vague idea he knew what was holding him back but made no comment on it.

“Seriously, just consider it ok?”

Wonwoo slowly shook his head. It wasn’t a yes or no, but it was a start.

“Don’t worry about other things...” Mingyu’s voice had grown quieter, hinting at what might have been on Wonwoo’s mind. “Just focus on what would be better for you.”

Mingyu thought he could understand why Wonwoo was a bit reluctant to move here, at least partially. It basically came down to money. Mingyu didn’t need, much less _want_ , Wonwoo to pay him rent or whatever. What kind of a person would he be to charge his own friend, when the friend already had financial struggles to begin with and meanwhile Mingyu sat around like some wealthy prince in a big house by himself. But that was just it. He knew it would hurt Wonwoo’s pride if he refused money, and Wonwoo definitely wouldn’t take the offer. 

Mingyu wasn’t sure if he should mention the rent, but Wonwoo beat him to it. 

“Ok I’ll move here Mingyu. But only under one condition.” 

“What’s that?”

“You will treat me like a normal tenant in this house.” 

Mingyu sighed, he saw this coming. 

“Alright, but just so you know I’m not charging you any more than your apartment rent.” 

“What?!” Wonwoo scowled indignantly. “You can’t be serious! That apartment was so dingy and small and-“ 

“Just consider it a discount ok,” Mingyu shrugged waving him off with a hand. “You’re not going to be any random stranger living here. You’re my friend. And friends, get special treatment.” 

Mingyu rested his elbow on the arm of his chair, tilting his head slightly and threw a sharp grin at Wonwoo.

Wonwoo’s scowl deepened, but there was something subtle and light in his eyes. “Fine,” he said huffily.

“Ok, well that’s that!” Mingyu clapped. “When will you move in?”

“I have to give a month’s prior notice to my landlord. After that I guess.” 

“Alright!” he grinned, feeling pleased with what had happened.

***

So Wonwoo did live here!

_With Mingyu._

…Right?

Mingyu could hear his own steady heart slightly quickening. He wondered where Wonwoo was now.

He rushed up to the bedroom he had only entered twice. The bedroom beside his, with the old TV set. The one that looked as though someone had lived there once upon a time. The room was as exactly as he had first seen it. A couple books left on the shelf, unmade bed and closet with a couple hangers but no clothes.

Mingyu could immediately feel it. The moment he stepped into this room, it felt as though there was a faint weight pressing on his chest. That’s why he only entered this room twice. Once on the first day, when he had woken up with no memories as he was exploring the house; the second time, when he was looking a little more carefully at the rooms. But the thing was, he knew he definitely didn’t like being in here. He didn’t know _why_ , but something about this room threw him off. 

An aching sort of weight in his bones manifested the moment he stepped in, feeling almost a little like sadness. This bedroom was roughly the same size as the third room, but the walls felt as though they were too close and pressing into him. His hands bunched against his shirt.

_This was Wonwoo’s room, wasn’t it?_

Of course he didn’t know for sure, but something in his gut told him this, the thought ringing in his head with utmost clarity. 

A bulky stone formed at the pit of his stomach. It made his throat dry and his eyes to sting a little.

Mingyu didn’t know. 

_He didn’t know._

He just stood there, completely still. 

The pale morning mist gray walls and soft light filtering through the translucent curtains of the room did nothing to make him feel better. The walls were all barren except for two clocks. 

Yes two. Side by side, both identical, resting on the wall, moving at the exact same second, same minute, same hour, creating a single strong steady beat that thrummed along with Mingyu’s heart leaving him hypnotized staring at the clocks. 

If Wonwoo moved in and stayed here… why did this room look abandoned like somebody had _left_ , rather than _stayed_?

Where was Jeon Wonwoo now?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh I feel like I'm being too confusing. Is this hard to follow along? I swear it'll make sense at the end ><  
> Feel free to ask any questions for clarification.


	4. A Line to Reach the Beloved Ones

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter starts straight in a flashback so heads up for that.  
> (quick re-cap: previous chapter ended with Mingyu looking at a pair of clocks)

When Mingyu first entered this house after the previous owners (an old couple) moved out, he noticed something strange about it. 

The old owner lady had smiled at him and told him she had to leave some of the furniture and appliances behind because they were moving far away, and if that was ok with Mingyu. Mingyu shrugged, telling the woman it was fine. He didn’t mind some of the antique looking stuff; it made the house feel more comfy somehow.

So when Wonwoo walked through the grand double doors with his suitcases for the first time, he must’ve taken notice of the same thing Mingyu saw when he first moved here. All the appliances the previous owners had left came in pairs: two identical single seater couches, two lamps, two clocks, and the list went on. Mingyu wondered if it was an old couple thing.

He brought Wonwoo up to the rooms and asked if he wanted to stay in the same one from the last time he slept over.

“Yeah sure,” Wonwoo simply nodded. 

Mingyu left him to unpack and headed off to make lunch for the two of them. It was a strange feeling suddenly having someone else in this house.

Well ok, he has had Wonwoo here plenty of times, but this time it was different.

_It felt different._

Wonwoo was not just here as a temporary guest, ready to wave goodbye until the next time they saw each other. His retreating back that Mingyu watched every single time with an aching feeling in his chest, was always etched into his mind.

No, this time, Wonwoo’s retreating back would wash away into nothing the moment he returned before night fell, his smiling (or more likely exhausted) face greeting Mingyu.

It was somehow a comforting thought. After all, the last time he had lived with somebody was… back in university.

Mingyu winced at the sudden name that surfaced in his head.

His didn’t want his thoughts to wander there, but they did, and far too easily.

The way his thoughts slipped away, towards his ex-boyfriend Hong Jisoo, was as easily as the way a floating dandelion just slightly escaped the grasp of an outreached palm.

“Mingyu?” a voice called out to him, snapping him out of his empty thoughts. Wonwoo was calling him, his curious voice echoing through the halls.

“Coming!” Mingyu yelled, and wiped his hands off to go see what he was needed for. 

Wonwoo was standing in the room, _his_ room now, and staring in wonder at the two identical clocks ticking side by side on the wall.

Wonwoo turned to him with a questioning look, and dumbly pointed at the clocks. “Uh is this supposed to be like some weird ass room décor idea or whatever?” 

Mingyu just laughed. 

“No seriously.”

He shook his head with a grin and casually leaned back against the wall. “The previous owners left it here and I didn’t have the heart to move them. It’s weird right?” 

“Yep. It’s a waste of a perfectly good, functioning clock,” Wonwoo huffed. The slightly grumpy pout on his face was so cute Mingyu wanted to pull him into a hug. 

“I suppose,” Mingyu started slowly, tipping his head up in thought. “But I didn’t buy them or anything, and I already have enough clocks where I need them, so I decided to just leave these two.” 

Wonwoo nodded. “It’s strange… I don’t think this is the first pair of identical objects I’ve seen in this house…” 

“Because it’s not,” he responded. “The previous owners, I dunno what kind of home design thing they got going on, but I think they really liked their pairs.” 

“Oh?”

“Like there’s these two ancient lamps downstairs, and you’ve probably noticed the two old fabric couches that look they’re suited for my grandmother right?” 

Wonwoo laughed, sounding light and airy. “Yes, I saw those.” 

“You know,” Mingyu suddenly said. “I never really asked about it to the owner, but she told me something weird when she was selling me the house. I think it was related to the appliances…” Mingyu’s voice trailed off in thought, remembering that conversation. It was so oddly clear in his mind. 

“What did she say?”

  
  
  


“Thank you ma’am,” Mingyu bowed politely to the old Japanese lady who had sold her house to him. She had just plopped the key in his hand as they were standing out back on the deck.

“Ah, I’m going to miss this old place.”

She sounded a bit frail, and her voice quivered as she spoke, the way many old people voices do. But still, Mingyu could feel the thought and calmness in her words, much like the steady ocean breeze blowing around them. “Lived here for 50 years of my life.”

“Oh wow, that’s quite a while.”

The lady turned to look at him with a strong gaze. Her dark pupils pierced into the depths of Mingyu, even with the soft wrinkles that surrounded her eyes. Her stare was unnerving, as if she could _see_ , and understand every thing about him from a single glance, despite having only met him a couple times just to finish off their business. 

“Take good care of this place for me Kim Mingyu,” her Japanese accent laced through her English. “This place is no longer mine on pen and paper, but I still consider it my home.” 

“Of course ma’am.” 

“Before I go, I’ll let you in on something ok?” 

“Yes of course, what is it?” 

There was a moment of pause as the woman looked at him carefully a second time. She had to look up at him, being more than a head smaller than Mingyu. 

“Hmm, well I've thought about it for a while... but I can't help but think that this house is, meant for two people.”

“What?” he stood there dumbfounded for a bit. 

“Do you know how old this place is Mingyu?”

“132 years if I remember correctly,” he immediately answered.

“Yes, it’s an old thing. Went through a lot of renovations.”

Mingyu nodded slowly and licked his lips nervously. “And?” 

“There has never been anyone who’s owned this house that lived here alone in it’s 132 years of being built. You would be the first.”

“Ah yes, that makes sense,” Mingyu chuckled nervously. “It is a little big for one...” 

“That’s not what I meant.” The woman’s eyes were now soft but distant, like she was on another universe already.

“Nobody wants to be alone Mingyu,” she smiled in a small, fragile sort of manner. “Even if we believe we do, this place unravels the way we truly feel. In a way, this place,” she gestured around her, “it has a mind of it’s own.”

Mingyu didn’t understand what she was saying whatsoever. 

“I’m not saying this home will fix whatever is hurting you, whatever _will_ hurt you…” She looked at him with knowing eyes and Mingyu’s stomach flipped.

Whatever was hurting him? _Whatever was hurting him?_

Nothing was hurting him.

Mingyu was a hundred percent ok. 

So what on earth was this lady talking about? 

“But it can make you understand. Understand your fears, your nightmares, your losses. It’ll make you realize that you aren’t meant to be alone,” she spoke calmly yet sounded so, _definite_ — as if there was a kind of age and wisdom of hundreds of years trapped in her words that he could not yet understand. 

There was a moment of silence until Mingyu worked his lips to speak again.

“What are you—“ 

“Mizuha!” A man called, and the two turned. The woman’s husband stood by the sliding glass doors that led to the deck. “We should get going.”

“Yes, yes I’m coming. Just saying a last goodbye to the old place,” she turned to look at him one last time. 

Mingyu bowed once more, not exchanging any more words.

Whatever he wanted to say or ask, although he wasn’t even sure himself anymore, the moment had passed. 

She curtly nodded, and there was a small, yet slightly sad smile lingering in her eyes. 

Mingyu led them back to the front of the house where he watched their car and moving van drive off into the distance.

He didn’t turn away until it was completely out of view.

  
  
  


“Um Mingyu?”

“What?” Mingyu asked surprised, snapping back to reality. “Oh um right, what the previous house owner told me.” 

Wonwoo just stood there with his head tilted and eyes trained on Mingyu — something he always did when wearing an amused look. 

“She said something about the house being destined for two or whatever? So I figured maybe that’s why there’s two of everything?” Mingyu laughed slightly. That conversation, looking back on it, had been quite absurd and he hadn’t thought about it in a while. 

“Oh,” Wonwoo nodded as if he understood, but his eyebrows were furrowed in confusion. “What’s that even supposed to mean?” 

“I honestly don’t know,” Mingyu shrugged. “I think she mentioned how no one who’s owned this house lived here alone. That I was the first one or something. And let me tell you now that this house is fucking _old_.” 

“Hmm… well if I’m here now,” Wonwoo said, bringing his eyes back to the clocks, “so I guess you’re not living here alone anymore.” 

A strange feeling bubbled inside of Mingyu and coursed through his veins, rushing to his head, feeling a little bit like happiness, and a little bit like relief.

“Y-yes. I guess you’re right.”  
  


***

  


Mingyu stumbled back, his leg hitting the frame of the bed.

He stared at the clocks in confusion. Each pass “tick” seemed get louder in his ears, mocking him so easily. 

Eventually he just ended up collapsing on the bed, burrowing his face into his hands. 

He couldn’t make sense of the memory whatsoever.

He didn’t understand why he remembered all that, or what it _meant_. 

But hey, what else was new in the life of Kim Mingyu? 

It’s like all the pieces of the puzzle were _there_ , but he just wasn’t putting them together in the right way. 

Mingyu shot up from the bed in realization. 

_Put it together the right way_. 

That was right. That’s exactly what he needed to do! 

He scrambled up, grabbing any piece of blank paper and pen near him.

If he just wrote down _everything_ , maybe he’d be able to make a nice little mind map that could help him understand what the fuck was going on. 

Mingyu licked his lips and started to write up every detail he could conjure, from the moment he woke up on that very first day with no memories, to now.

When he was done, he squinted at the detailed mind map he had created. The web tangling in his head again and again, until it became a huge jumbled mess.

It wasn’t enough.

No no _no_. Mingyu wanted to cry out.

The current memories he had weren’t enough to tell him where exactly he was, and how he got here.

No matter how he tried to arrange them together, there was simply too much missing. 

He sighed feeling exhausted. 

His eyes lingered over to the stuff he had written down back from the first day. Every day, no matter where he slept, he’d loop back to the same place and time.

As if somebody always hit the reset button, not allowing him to go on living his life. 

It was a time loop no doubt. 

As he turned his thoughts over and over, an odd idea was molding itself into Mingyu’s brain and slowly taking shape. 

What if… he simply didn’t sleep? What would happen?

Maybe it was sleep which _triggered_ the ‘reset’, as he called it.

He chewed on his lips.

It didn’t hurt to try.

  
  


As Mingyu settled down, the sunset gently dipped below the horizon. It threw the sky into a mix of cotton candy blues and pinks, the colours streaking across so vibrantly. 

He closed his eyes in contemplation, hoping for the best, but not exactly sure what the best even was. Obviously it was ideal if he could get out of here, wherever ‘here’ was, but he couldn’t help but wonder if refusing to sleep would only bring about a worse fate for him. 

“Ok deep breaths Mingyu,” he muttered to himself, gulping the last bit of coffee in his large thermos. It could hopefully help keep him awake.

Hours later, and night had completely enveloped the house. Despite the slight newfound chill in the summer air, and surprisingly heavy winds, Mingyu decided to sit on the cushioned wooden hammock out on the patio by his pool. The house was too warm and cozy for his liking, which only increased the risk of him getting drowsy and dozing off — not that he even felt remotely sleepy at the moment (the coffee must be doing it’s job). 

The cool windy air would help keep his eyes wide open and alert, along with the help of the tiny dotted goosebumps that currently lined his arms.

And so, that is what Mingyu did: he simply sat and sat as the night stretched on, with no desire to lie down and sleep. 

It was around 2:00am when suddenly he heard a clear crackle, like bunches of branches being broken or stepped on.

Mingyu’s head snapped up. He was fully alert now and faced the direction where the sound was coming from. It was across the pool, past the wooden fence, and out into the thick trees that surrounded his house. 

It was probably just an animal, but he had to be sure. He couldn’t let this pass. 

Mingyu clamored inside of the house, grabbing the first source of light he could find.

He took one of the two old looking light bulb shaped oil lamps, quite thankful that the table they were placed on contained a drawer with the matches and oil. 

He hastily lit the lamp and exited the house, taking the route around the pool to the wooden door at the side of the patio. 

Now that he was entering the trees, he moved more carefully and slowly, stepping lightly on the ground. He wondered if, _it_ , was still here.

In the midst of his thoughts, he heard a slight snap of another twig, and he knew he wasn’t the only one here.

Mingyu's pulse battered against his neck, and the sounds of the tides from the beach were far away in his ears.

He moved sideways, towards that snapping sound, deeper into the thick of the trees where more branches littered the ground.

With all the care his clumsy and giant limbs could gather, Mingyu slowly stepped out, his heel against the floor of forest, and ever so carefully set his entire foot down, as if he were lowering an extremely heavy lever.

He was about to move a bit closer, putting his other foot out, when suddenly a flash of movement blurred his vision. He yelped, stepping back and almost dropping his lamp.

It must have been an animal, because he could catch nothing but a slight blur, and then, it was completely gone.

He was left there standing in the cloak of the dark night, with nothing but sway of the branches and towering trees in the howling wind, and the showering sound of leaves.

As he walked back to the house, he could faintly feel heat against his chest from the flickering lamp that he was trying to shield from the oncoming winds.  
  


***

  


The last weekend of summer break rolled around, and people tried to get the most fun they could have from what was left of the thin strands of summer. Soaking up the last bit of the golden and sweltering sun, sinking into the rouge hot beaches, and diving into vibrant blue waters; it was all the joys of the final long weekend, before all those actually on vacation would have to lug themselves back to their heavy bags, work uniforms, and textbooks.

Of course, despite technically being on vacation, Mingyu spent the weekend cooped up in his room finalizing all his work and preparation for his new and fulltime teaching position. He could feel the giddiness and excitement tingling in his fingers, but also the bit of nerves. 

He remembered that as a student, especially in Middle school and Highschool, he’d always have so many opinions and thoughts about all his teachers (not that he really specifically remembered them now).

How would it feel to be on _the other side_ of the equation now?

It would be a new perspective for sure. 

Two days passed by so quickly, Mingyu barely even looked at the time each day. 

Wonwoo must’ve been busy too, preparing whatever he needed to because the two didn’t see much of each other, besides for meals (which for some, they’d just take to their own rooms), though they remained in the same house.

  
  


It was Sunday evening when the rain started falling. Thunder started rumbling and rolling across the sky as well, and Mingyu looked despondently out his window at the palm trees being battered heavily in the wind and shower. 

He stepped out of his room and closed all the windows he could see left open so that the rain wouldn’t get in. 

The thunder was getting louder and louder and flashes of lightning struck every minute or so. At one point the thunder was so intense he could feel the floors rumbling, and all of his insides vibrating with the force of the detonating sound.

“Hey Wonwoo!” He yelled out. “Can you close any windows you find open?” 

“Sure!” Wonwoo yelled back from downstairs, paired with the clatter of utensils. 

Mingyu guessed he was eating. Of course he would be. (Jesus, how did the guy manage to eat and snack so much, yet still remain practically a stick?).

He was about to go downstairs to help Wonwoo, when all at once the entire house snapped to black. 

Mingyu sighed.

The power was out.

He blinked a couple times letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. He turned around to head to his room and grab his phone for some light, when a loud crash resounding from downstairs made him spin back around. 

“Wonwoo?!” he yelled, rushing down the stairs. 

He heard a groan and muffled swearing.

Following the sound, Mingyu found Wonwoo struggling to get up from the ground on the dining room. 

“I tripped over your chair,” he groaned. The room was aglow with harsh light for a split second, as a strike of lightning pierced through the sky. He could make out Wonwoo wincing in pain.

Thunder rumbled once again tumbling through the little bit of silence they had. 

“Jesus you scared me,” Mingyu mumbled, helping him up.

He slung Wonwoo’s arm around his shoulder and helped the limping man towards the piano room where he kept all his medical supplies.

Lightning flashed violently, illuminating their path and making everything glow in a sickly white, the shadows of all the furniture looking jagged and stretched out.

Gently, he led Wonwoo into the room and lowered him into a seat.

He then walked over to the drawer at the corner of the room and pulled out a match. Mingyu quickly lit one of the two old lamps that had been in this house for possibly a hundred years or so (whatever the ridiculous number was), dipping the entire room into a velvety, and warm wavering glow.

He turned back to Wonwoo who was still grimacing in pain in his seat. He knelt down in front of him and gently prodded at his feet, observing the slight redness of the ankle in the dim yellow rays of the oil lamp. 

“It’s best to ice it,” he spoke, and at the same moment thunder roared in his ears, blockading anything he had said. 

Mingyu squeezed his eyes shut, his hairs standing on end. On instinct, he brought both his hands up to press tightly against the knobs of Wonwoo’s knees. 

All of a sudden, he could feel two fragile cold palms against his skin.

Mingyu flicked his eyes open and realized with a startle that Wonwoo was looking down at him, cupping his cheeks. 

“Are you still scared of thunderstorms?” 

Wonwoo’s dark eyes were still looking strained with the pain of his foot, but his voice was calm and lower than usual. 

“N-nah, of course not,” Mingyu weakly laughed.

Wonwoo continued staring at him.

“Ok ok, like not as badly as I was when I was a kid!” Mingyu continued “I’m not really, _scared_ , I just don’t particularly like them. They make me uncomfortable.”

Wonwoo laughed quietly and looked at him with a thoughtful gaze.

“I’m gonna get you ice ok,” Mingyu quickly said as he slipped away, his face suddenly feeling much, _much_ , hotter despite how cold Wonwoo’s hands really were.

He returned back with an ice pack moments later, and tied it around Wonwoo’s ankle with some compression bandages. 

The lightning and thunder were few and far in-between now, only coming and going occasionally. The winds seemed to have died down too; however now the rain was far heavier and louder, falling straight down in an almost constant stream. 

Mingyu grabbed the lamp and set it near him as he sat on the carpet, leaning against the wall and looking out the window. He wondered when the power would come back on.

Wonwoo suddenly rose from his seat. 

“Woah, woah what are you doing?!” 

“I’m fine,” he snorted. “I just wanted to sit down on the floor too.”

Mingyu was already up before he had finished his sentence, gently helping Wonwoo beside him.

The two sat in silence for a while, nothing but the sound of rushing rain to accompany them, and the small flame of the lamp casting shadows on the wall. 

“The rain kind of reminds me of where I used to live,” Wonwoo suddenly said. “It almost looks like a monsoon.”

“Where you used to live?”

Wonwoo nodded, “Yeah, a place in Arizona.” 

“Did you live there on your own?”

Wonwoo shook his head. 

He paused for a slight second, as if wondering if he should continue, before taking a breath and explaining to Mingyu, “I did move out for my undergrad, but then my mom got quite sick."

He must’ve looked alarmed because Wonwoo just smiled reassuringly. “She’s getting better, no worries.” 

Mingyu looked down at his feet that were brushing the fuzzy carpet. It probably _was_ quite worrisome at the time. He could only imagine how rough Wonwoo must’ve had it during those University years. 

“Anyway, yeah… my brother was a bit too young and absorbed in his own life to take care of her, so I moved back with her and transferred universities.” Wonwoo shrugged like it was no big deal. “I’ve been living with her and taking care of her ever since.”

“So, what about now?” Mingyu asked cautiously.

“My mother decided to go back to Korea. She has relatives there that’ll take care of her you know?” 

Mingyu could only shake his head in response. Something about Wonwoo’s eyes as he explained all this looked a bit downtrodden.

“That’s good,” he quietly said. “You probably miss her though, right?”

Wonwoo turned his gaze back at him and nodded, though it just looked like a jerk of his head at this point. 

“Yeah, I do. But my mom…” Wonwoo’s voice was gradually getting quieter, slowly slipping and losing traction. 

Mingyu shuffled closer to him, almost in an encouraging manner for him to go on. 

“She always thought she was burdening me— or that she was making it hard for me to live my life freely,” his voice was thick with emotion. “But really, it wasn’t the worries about medical bills or my schooling fees… None of that was more difficult to me than her leaving.” 

Wonwoo stared at the floor blankly and Mingyu was suddenly scared that he was going to start crying a little. It never happened though.

He wished he could say something to make Wonwoo feel better, but he really couldn’t— because he never had that kind of relationship with either of his parents.

The realization was so strange and hollowing to him; the fact that Mingyu could stare at Wonwoo get so emotional, yet fail to genuinely understand _any of it_. 

“H-hey, it’s ok,” he hated the way his voice slightly shook when he was trying to do the reassuring. “I know she’s is far away, but you can still call her right? Video chat.” 

“Yeah I do that every week,” Wonwoo tiredly rubbed his eyes a little, looking like he had aged several years. 

“Then it’s not so bad,” Mingyu nudged his shoulder. “It’s obviously not as good as having her here in person, but those calls are important right? Even if there’s distance, you can still find a way to be close that way. That’s the most important part.”

“Yeah… I guess I just feel this way because that was my home for so long, and now it’s pretty much gone.” Wonwoo let out a weak, watery laugh. 

“Don’t say that,” Mingyu harshly whispered back. “It’s not gone. It’s just temporarily separated. You’ll see your mom again, and it’ll be like home never went anywhere.” 

He turned to look directly into Wonwoo’s sharp eyes just to make his point clear.

Wonwoo’s eyes softened. 

Before he could chicken out, Mingyu rushed forward and it all came like word vomit.

“And, this can be your home too you know? Think of it as your home number two,” he cleared his throat awkwardly. “W-with me.”

Wonwoo looked at him with a mix of confusion and bewilderment, but somewhere laced along those lines, was there a slight flash of happiness? Maybe hopefulness? 

“With you?”

“With me,” he spoke this time with more clarity and conviction. 

“What do you mean by that Mingyu?” Wonwoo’s voice was quiet and strangely rough. 

The gaze that set his nerves on end was back full force, directed straight at him.

_Why, just why, was Wonwoo looking at him like that?_

And why did his voice uttering Mingyu’s name sound just that much lower? It was doing odd things to his heart. Or his stomach. Maybe both.

He wanted to curl up into a ball. This shouldn’t be so hard. 

“I-“ Mingyu mustered whatever confidence he had in his palpitating chest to say what he said next, “I _mean_ , that I don’t want you here as some guy that rents out a room ok? Because you… you’re not _just_ that to me. You- you’re welcome here as if this could be your home as well. And this is,” Mingyu licked his dry lips and Wonwoo’s eye flickered down just for a fraction of a second at the movement, “something I want to share with you. Because I…” 

_Oh great Kim Mingyu, now you’ve done it. Your big mouth seriously can’t shut up can it?_

“I mean,” Mingyu rushed on. “Only if you want to. Do that. I mean, I just sa-“ 

“Mingyu.” 

Mingyu snapped his head back up to look at Wonwoo, only to realize with alarm that the distance between had closed to almost nothing. Wonwoo leaned in so close, Mingyu could make out the faint moles on his cheeks and the delicate, straight lashes that framed his sharp eyes. The tips of their noses were almost touching and if Mingyu just moved slightly forward… 

“Shut up for two seconds ok.” 

“Uh wh-“ 

And suddenly Wonwoo’s lips were pressed against his, all soft and warm, and… sweet? 

Mingyu’s eyes widened in surprise. 

It was only a couple seconds, and really nothing more than a simple peck, yet somehow in Mingyu’s head, time was slow and sluggish, and the kiss lasted much longer.

Mingyu suddenly desperately wished he had done something more than stay frozen like a stone.

And so, when Wonwoo leaned away from him, it only took a single glance at his bright eyes, rose-coloured cheeks, and parted lips, wearing a look so open and _vulnerable_ , in a way he had never seen before, that made him move in and close their slight gap. 

Mingyu kissed Wonwoo.

And Wonwoo kissed him back.

It was a little hasty, slightly clumsy, but it was a perfect kiss in the flurry and tangle of Mingyu’s mind.

And they repeated it again and again.

The rain continued to fall, droplets sliding down lazily and sticking to every corner of the hazy window, now fogged up with condensation.

The sound of the rushing water from outside was all distant and muffled in Mingyu’s ears.

He could only focus on the pressure of hands on his shoulder, his back pressed against the wall, and the warm slide of Wonwoo’s lips— which now that he felt more feverishly, tasted like cherries.

Mingyu suddenly pulled back, lips parted, and his head feeling that much lighter.

“You ate the cherries in the fridge?” he asked, a bit out of breath. 

“Y-yes?” Wonwoo responded dazedly, breathing slightly heavy, and in sync with his. 

“ _All_ of them?” 

“Jesus, no Mingyu,” Wonwoo was now rolling his eyes now, sounding more steady, “you think I’d eat the whole basket myself?”

“W- well, I don’t know…” 

“I can’t believe you!” Wonwoo huffed indignantly, though the glint in his eyes indicated that he was entirely amused.

“You eat a surprising amount ok!” 

Wonwoo leaned back on his heel, still resting between Mingyu’s knees, and stared at him, biting his lower lip to stop from laughing. 

The dim flicker from the oil lamp that was still burning set the room into a warm, lazy lull. The rain was slowing down, only pattering lightly against the windows now. 

Mingyu lowered his hands from Wonwoo’s waist and looked straight back into the man’s dark, and amused eyes that never failed to draw him in.

 _It was now or never Kim Mingyu_

A strange overwhelming feeling washed over him and invaded his mind. And before he could stop himself...

“Go out with me,” Mingyu blurted out.

The words had just escaped him with barely any thought.

Mingyu's mouth remained slightly parted. In fact, he was surprised himself. But more than that, he felt an oncoming rush of panic suddenly seizing up in his chest.

He wondered if this was too fast, too sudden. Should they be taking things more casually at first? Was he completely misunderstanding what Wonwoo wanted their relationship to be? Should he—

The thoughts clouded and twisted in his mind, and only made his heart thump louder against his rib cage.

But no. Mingyu wouldn't have it. He had spent what had felt like too ridiculously _long_ , dreading and even moping over these feelings. It was all or nothing. 

He clenched his hands against his jeans as if to brace himself.

Wonwoo blinked.

Mingyu's heart skipped a beat. 

And slowly, as if watching the sun slowly rise on the horizon, or a flower bloom right before your very eyes, every corner and inch of Wonwoo’s features brightened into a warm, beautiful smile.

His eyes shone, his cheeks flushed so cutely, and all Mingyu wanted to do was to lean in and kiss him again. 

“Ok,” was all Wonwoo managed to let out before Mingyu couldn’t help himself anymore and immediately moved forward to steal a peck from his lips. 

Wonwoo smile only grew at that, straight rows of pearly white teeth now visible, and cheeks all bunched up. He suddenly looked up at the ceiling, “Hey the lights are back on.” 

Mingyu glanced up as well, feeling a bit dazed. “Oh yeah they are. Didn’t even notice.

He turned his focus back to the man in front of him, and he was pretty sure he was giving Wonwoo the fondest gaze right now, judging by the way he was blushing. 

He felt like a giddy teenager falling for someone for the first time all over again, and couldn’t help himself from reaching out to brush Wonwoo’s fringe from his eyes, struck with a realization that _yes_ , he could actually do this now instead of day-dreaming about it. 

“Wow I feel really stupid now,” Mingyu mumbled. 

“Huh, why is that?” Wonwoo cocked his head to the side with a questioning look.

“You know I just spent like 2 months pining after you.” 

“What seriously? Every time I tried to get close to you, or even attempt to flirt, you’d run the other way! I thought you had no interest!” Wonwoo scowled. 

“What the fuck? And I was wallowing in self despair thinking you were straight this whole time and-” 

“Wait hold up, you thought I was straight?!” 

“You only talked about dating women!” 

“Oh,” Wonwoo laughed. “I have only dated women. This is the first time I liked a guy. You know, romantically.”

“Ha! So I was…” 

“Wrong. Partially anyways,” Mingyu looked him confused. “I’ve you know… done stuff with men. I said romantic attraction Mingyu, not _physical_ attraction.

“Ahh,” Mingyu nodded his head slowly, and then broke out into a dumb wide grin. “So you like me?” 

Wonwoo didn’t respond at first and only rolled his eyes. He then leaned forward to press a small kiss against the tip of Mingyu’s nose. “Well obviously.”

Mingyu’s grin grew impossibly wider, until he was pretty sure the edges of his mouth were going to rip.

He finally decided to get up, helping Wonwoo up in the process as well. 

The two stared at each other for a moment, and a significant realization sank into him all at once. 

For Mingyu, a home had always just been wood, cement, furniture… it was a roof above his head if it was pouring outside. A house. A home. There was really no difference to him. Or maybe he _had_ , once upon a time, felt that difference growing up… But now? His parents were more or less absent from his life, a worn out distant tale of the past, and Mingyu could name no other family or friend that came close enough. 

Yet now, as he looked at Wonwoo with his eyes curved into content little crescents, and a delicate smile etched onto his face, for the first time in a long time Mingyu thought, ‘ _oh, so this home._ ’

A home was more full, more alive than a house. It was another beating heart, an entity of warmth, underneath the same roof as him. It was the feeling of being able to come back after a long day to the arms of _someone_ , and rest your head on their shoulder.

Mingyu turned from Wonwoo, and took the oil lamp from the floor. He cupped his hands at the back of the lamp, and blew a single breath to swiftly put out the flame. 

And although the fire that burned with so much warmth just seconds ago was now extinguished, it somehow continued to flicker in the depths of Mingyu’s chest, refusing to be put out.  
  


***

  


Mingyu’s heart thudded faintly as he took one last look into the darkness of the forest with utter disappointment and went back into the patio.

The oil lamp had just been blown out by the wind and left nothing more than a faint wick it’s wake. His chest felt impossibly cold and empty without the warmth of the light. 

It was 3:00 am and Mingyu wasn’t the slightest bit sleepy. The memories that had just come to him were chewing him inside out and keeping him wide-awake, to the point he felt so empty, and well…. hollow.

Wonwoo, Wonwoo, _Wonwoo_. 

It was the only thought that rushed through Mingyu’s mind for an hour straight, until he grew tired from the constant tossing and turning of his brain over this man he couldn’t even see.

The sweet kisses, the lingering words, the confessions, the feeling of at last finding _home_ , why were they all just memories and nothing more to him? 

An hour later and nothing had changed: Mingyu's eyes were still wide open, so the plan to stay awake was going pretty accordingly. He could only desperately cling onto the feeble hope that it would change some things for him. 

By 5:00am, the time to sleep had more or less passed. He was all good, albeit a bit drowsy. The sky was lightening to a deep periwinkle.

Finally, around 6:30, Mingyu watched a bright yellow glow stretch along the sky, accompanied by the sound of seagulls and waves that graced the peaceful morning.

The sun was rising, _the sun was actually rising_. It was a new day. 

His heart quickened as wisps of cloud spread into beautiful streaks of pinks and purples. The last thing Mingyu remembered was squinting intensely at the first glowing ray that poked from behind the horizon, stretching to the sky at last. 

Then, everything went dark.

  
  


Mingyu groggily got up.

He was lying on rough carpet with afternoon sun filtering into through translucent white curtains. When he peered down at himself he saw that he was wearing a pale blue shirt and dark jeans, and…

_Oh._

_Wait a second._

_This was…_

He blinked a couple times, more awake and aware of the situation around him.

He didn’t have to check the time on the clock to understand. 

Nothing had changed.

Nothing at all. 

The overwhelming feeling of wanting to puke out his insides washed over him, and he gagged a little. 

All at once, for the first time since the day he woke up with zero memories, big fat blobs of tears started tumbling out of Mingyu’s eyes. 

He didn’t try to stop himself from crying. Who was watching him anyway?

That’s right, _no one_. 

And so, Mingyu just sat on the carpet and had a good, long, cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow a flashback in a flashback... didn't think I could do that, did you? heh.  
> And I'm sorry, I'm shit at writing romance. I don't know why I thought this would be a good idea? lol, anyway I wrote that thunderstorm part during an actual thunderstorm and yeah... it was wild (outside). 
> 
> Oh and everything will tie together eventually. I think almost every single moment in this story serves some kind of purpose... there's nothing random.


	5. In the place we can be complete

Although he had stopped keeping count, Mingyu was pretty sure it was almost 25 days since he’d been trapped here.

If this was the universe’s doing, the universe was cruel.

Nothing had really changed, but he was slowly beginning to realize something rather odd about himself. 

Every time he went out into the water, or so much as stared at the water, he sensed an unusual, sick feeling sticking to the sides of his stomach. The feeling crept up his esophagus, to the point where it made him nauseous. 

He had only experienced that once since he came here, but now it was becoming more and more frequent. So much so that Mingyu would spend all day shut inside his house, with all the windows closed and blinds drawn so he wouldn’t have to see, or hear the rush of the ocean. 

 

One day, he found himself sitting back on the couch, aimlessly watching TV again: or at least trying to. It had taken him forever to find one single thing playing that he _hadn’t_ watched yet, considering the same set of shows and movies aired again and again, every day for him.

Anyway, the more he watched, the more the images and words simply blurred together and fell from his mind.

By the time the end credits rolled by, Mingyu realized that he had no idea what had happened during the episode whatsoever.

He shook his head with a sigh, massaging his nose-bridge with his thumb and index finger. 

At that moment, he heard the tinkle of chimes and turned to see that he had forgotten to close one of the windows in the kitchen. 

Mingyu grumbled to himself, getting up from the couch. Unfortunately for him, he probably should have watched where he was going, because he ended up walking straight into the petite square table that sat between the two couches in his living room. 

His toe crashed painfully against the leg of the table, knocking over a picture frame. He silently cursed, falling to the ground and cringing in pain until the stinging finally dulled into a fainter throb.

He sighed, rubbing the sore spot on his toe before he finally got up. He glanced over at the fallen picture frame and set it back up. 

Mingyu could recall the day he first looked at this picture. It was before he even had any recollection of who Jeon Wonwoo was.

Now he could look at the photo more knowingly, and take his time to notice the details. 

The picture was of the two of them. Wonwoo’s arms were slung around him, his head tilted to rest on Mingyu’s shoulder. The photo seemed to be taken at night with lanterns strung in the background, and crowds of people dressed all summery milled behind them. Wonwoo beamed and his eyes sparkled in the lighting, clutching a stuffed fox doll with the hand that wasn’t around Mingyu.

The first _and_ last time Mingyu had looked at this, he had cried. Random and confusing tears had bubbled in his eyes, and he didn’t even know _why_. He thought back on that day and shook his head. The worst part was, he still didn’t know why he had cried.

He refused to look at this photo again.

At least until today… 

There were no tears threatening to spill at the back of Mingyu’s eyes now.  
However, there was a strange new feeling curling in his chest. 

Mingyu eyes softened and the world seemed to slow down around him as he continued to stare, clutching the frame in his hands.

The tinkle of chimes and distant discomforting sound of tides washing against the sand could faintly be heard in the background.

  
  


***

  
  


It was only on Monday, the final day of the colourful fanfare of Labour Day, when the two were having breakfast, that Wonwoo asked him, “Hey, I was thinking, did you want to go to the Labour Day fair by the beach in the evening?”

Mingyu looked up feeling oddly elated at the question. “Yeah sure why not,” he beamed.

Wonwoo nodded, “Yeah it’ll be fun. I um, know a good restaurant nearby that we can have dinner at.”

Mingyu had his elbow propped up on the table with his chin leaning against his palms. Slowly he angled his face down, so that his hand would cover up the wide grin that was spreading across his lips. 

“What?” Wonwoo demanded.

Mingyu’s smile grew wider. “Nothing.”

“Why are you looking at me like that?” Wonwoo halfheartedly glared at him.

He couldn’t suppress his giggles now. “If you’re going to ask me out on a date, say it properly.” 

A pale pink spread across Wonwoo’s cheeks. He opened his mouth as if to retort, but then closed it again. 

“I liked you better all shy and embarrassed,” Wonwoo finally grumbled. “You know, always shoving your fist into your mouth like a tool.” 

“Hey! I did not do that!” He responded indignantly. 

“You kind of did.” 

Mingyu was sitting perpendicular to Wonwoo on the dining table, so he simply slid over his chair and pinched Wonwoo’s cheeks. The guy pretty much had zero baby fat in those cheeks, but he still managed anyway. 

“Well then, I can safely say I like you even more all flustered like this,” Mingyu cooed. “It’s cute. And less intimidating than when you were trying to hit on me.” 

“You’re so annoying,” Wonwoo grunted, but his glare had turned into something more like fond exasperation.

“Yeah, but you’re stuck with me,” Mingyu teased. 

He moved closer to brush their noses together and Wonwoo cracked a little smile at that. 

“Ofcourse.” 

Mingyu smirked and leaned in to steal a couple pecks, taking Wonwoo’s waist and turning it from the table to fully to face him. 

Wonwoo moved slightly towards him, rather eagerly, and rested his knees between Mingyu’s as he lazily wrapped his thin arms around his neck, tugging him closer. 

Soon enough, there was a soft and sweet pressure of Wonwoo’s lips against his. Mingyu’s eyes fluttered shut.

The kiss was steadier than yesterday’s, less hasty and clumsy in the rush of the thunderstorm. It was slower and deeper, as if the two had all the time in the world.

Wasn’t that right though?

Time was on their side.

 

The evening was warm and glowing with the sun in the midst of setting. There seemed to be this unshakable upbeat feeling in the air as Mingyu and Wonwoo stepped out of their car, having finally found a roadside parking spot after _ages_ of waiting and searching.

Colourful decorations and lanterns were strung above their heads through the glowing street. Squeals of children and a general buzz of conversation and laughter surrounded them, accompanied by jumbles of music coming from every store.

They strolled by the road parallel to the crowded beach, and stood there for a minute to watch the Labour Day family tournament events that were being held there.

Children and adults alike were stumbling through the beach with burlap sacks, trying to reach a red tape that stretched across the sand many meters away from them— all the while family members screamed with support from the sidelines. 

“You see, that one guy?” Wonwoo nudged Mingyu by the shoulder, head motioning towards a tall man who was stumbling in his burlap sack, tripping over his own feet every time he tried to get back up. “That would be you.” 

Just at that moment, a tiny agile boy raced past the man in his little bag, as if it was an extension of his own feet, and Wonwoo grinned. “And _that_ , would be me.”

“You’re so mean,” Mingyu whined, but Wonwoo’s eyes almost looked as though they were shimmering among the lanterns and lights of the area, and his mouth was pulled into a teasing smirk, and Mingyu could only felt his heart spiral in happiness.

“It’s the truth. I mean look at your clumsy giraffe limbs,” Wonwoo poked the side of his thigh. 

“Ok, enough of this slander,” Mingyu laughed and intertwined their fingers, steering them back towards the fair filled streets. “What do you want to do first?”

“Um, anything really is…” Wonwoo’s eyes scanned the booths before lighting up. “Oh! I’ve always really wanted to try those lame games you see in carnivals and stuff.” 

“Ok then, lame carnival game it is,” Mingyu declared and headed over to the stall that Wonwoo was eyeing: the ring toss.

 

Wonwoo turned out to be a pretty terrible ring toss player and obviously ended up with no prize at the end.

“Hey it’s ok,” Mingyu clapped him on the back. 

Wonwoo set his face into a huffed up pout. He blew out his cheeks before saying, “I thought I’d be better than that.” 

“Have you not played these kinds of games before?” Mingyu laughed. 

“Nope,” Wonwoo responded simply. “I always thought they’d be a waste of money. And I was right.”

Mingyu quickly scanned the area, searching for a booth he knew he’d be good at, before his eyes landed on the tiny rectangle designated for shooting hoops. A typical thin crowd of people surrounded the place, spectating the passing rounds of players (currently, the guy who was playing was miserably failing). He nudged Wonwoo and pointed in its direction.

“Hey let’s go to that one.”

Wonwoo allowed himself to be led to the stall where Mingyu paid for 5 tries on the net. If he got at least 3 in, he’d be able to pick out one of the big prizes.

Wonwoo stood outside, leaning against the rubber padded blue boards lining the tiny “court” as you could call it, and watched Mingyu, giving him a small thumbs up as a form of encouragement. 

Mingyu’s smile grew wide as he turned to face the net. He lined himself up to the white line on the ground and took a shot. The ball went through, slipping easily through the net without touching the rim, and Mingyu turned his head over his shoulder to give Wonwoo a sharp-pointed smirk. 

Wonwoo only shook his head with a smile, as if to say, “Get 3 in and then you can brag.” 

Mingyu scored the next basket with ease as well. 

Maybe it was because he was getting somewhat over-confident, because horrifyingly so, he missed the next two shots. He only had one left to either win or lose. 

He knew Wonwoo didn’t really care about the prizes, and christ, neither did he— but Mingyu was a generally competitive guy, and if there was one thing he hated— it was _losing_.

A bead of sweat dribbled down his forehead from the humidity outside. 

“Don’t disappoint me now Kim Mingyu,” a voice behind him teasingly called out. 

Mingyu grinned, and without a look behind him he took the shot.

The basket went through with a satisfying swish. 

He heard a small cheer from the people watching behind him as he headed towards Wonwoo. 

“Well, that was close.” Wonwoo said, his pink lips curved up happily. He leaned towards Mingyu and brushed his hair away from his sweaty forehead. 

“Which stuffed animal do you want?” Mingyu asked motioning towards the selection of prizes. 

Wonwoo only shrugged, “You won, you pick.” 

 

Well, they ended up walking with an oversized fox doll, complete with round specs perched on its plush doll snout. 

(“It reminds me of you!” Mingyu had said happily.

“Are you serious?” Wonwoo sounded unimpressed.

“Come on,” he said, waving the doll in Wonwoo’s face. “It looks just like you! Admit it!”

Wonwoo had just shaken his head, probably amused at how childish Mingyu was acting, watching him coo at the doll. 

“We’ll name it Wonwoo Junior,” Mingyu had declared with content.)

“Ok this doll is way too big to carry everywhere,” Wonwoo groaned. 

“Here I’ll hold it for now,” Mingyu offered, taking ‘Wonwoo Jr.’ from him. “But yeah, you’re right, we should probably head back to the car to put it away.”

Wonwoo nodded his head in agreement.

They were almost back to the car when he realized Wonwoo was no longer beside him. Mingyu stopped and turned back around to see him a foot or two behind, looking up at the towering Ferris wheel before them that was slowly, lazily circling. 

The sun had just set and the colourful LED lights of the spokes from the wheel that stretched out were now flashing and brimming brightly. 

Mingyu couldn’t help but stand there and watch Wonwoo for a moment- admire the way the light breeze ran gently through his tousled dark hair, making the loose strands that poked up flutter lightly in the wind. 

When Wonwoo turned back to look at him, his smile was soft and sheepish. “C-can we go on?” 

Mingyu grinned and tugged Wonwoo towards the short line-up of the next batch of ferris wheel goers. 

“You look so excited for a simple ferris wheel,” he chuckled. 

“I haven’t gone to a fair since I was a kid ok!” Wonwoo just gave him a pout. “Let me have my fun.” 

Mingyu just shook his head with a smirk, and pulled Wonwoo into a hug along with the huge stuffed animal that accompanied them. “Nah, it’s cute.” 

“You need to stop calling me that,” Wonwoo said, but his cheeks were dusted pink. “I’m older than you.” 

“That doesn’t make you any less cute.” 

Wonwoo exaggeratedly huffed before the two headed through the gate that surrounded the ferris wheel and into their compartment. 

The compartment was big enough that he was well separated from Wonwoo who was sitting across from him. They probably couldn’t even touch each other if they outstretched their hands. Mingyu frowned noticing this as Wonwoo seemed to be fixated in looking out, palms against the glass, and eyes bright. 

As the ferris wheel made it’s circle to the top, Mingyu could see the increasingly long expanse of beach, currently dotted with hundreds of tiny people from their view.

The ocean was so wide, flat, and simply _endless_. And the sky that touched the waters was still alight, bleeding into the darker blues high above. There was a warm golden glow that spread against a portion of the horizon; remnants of the sun that just sank.

They were at the very top of the ferris wheel when Mingyu couldn’t help himself anymore, and he slid over to Wonwoo’s seat, leaving the giant stuffy on the other side. If Wonwoo was startled at his sudden movement, he didn’t show it. Instead, he just calmly pushed himself away from the window, and turned to look at Mingyu.

“Thanks,” Wonwoo smiled softly, taking Mingyu’s hand and tracing little patterns against his palms. 

“For what?” Mingyu tilted his head.

“For just... being here right now,” Wonwoo gently brushed his thumb against Mingyu’s fingers, one by one and back and forth, until it made Mingyu’s lips curved up fondly. 

“Wonwoo this is our date, where else would I be?” 

He shook his head. “I don’t mean it like that. I just- I guess I was really nervous when I moved here and I didn’t have any friends around here, or anyone to lean on,” Wonwoo bit his lip and Mingyu’s eyes lowered at the movement. “And I hated that dingy apartment. But then you appeared. And you just… made everything better. I wanted to thank you for that.”

“Well that’s what friends are for. You don’t need to thank me for just doing what I should be as a good friend…” Mingyu gently gazed at the thoughtful look that lingered on Wonwoo’s face. “And I guess now boyfriend.”

Wonwoo shook his head with a small smile. “Yeah, well I didn’t really have many friends growing up. And even now, I only have one or two I’m close to, and they live far way… so really, thank you.” 

“Of course,” Mingyu spoke gently. Then without missing a beat, he leaned closer and pressed a kiss against Wonwoo’s temples.

Wonwoo leaned closer at the touch which made Mingyu smile as he brushed his lips against his eyelids, admiring Wonwoo’s gentle lashes up close; then to the two cute little moles on his right cheek; then right to the corner of his smooth and demanding lips.

He finally moved away to look at Wonwoo.

“Mingyu,” his voice was impatient. 

He tilted his head and grinned teasingly. “Hmm, what?” 

The hold on Mingyu’s shirt tightened, and all at once they were kissing.

Wonwoo’s usual stiff shoulders and rigid movements had completely relaxed, and he felt like putty against his arms. Mingyu slowly shifted them so Wonwoo’s back was pressed against the glass of the ferris wheel. 

They clearly weren’t occupying this huge compartment _properly_ — with their bodies all pressed against each other in the little corner — but well, what can you do? 

Wonwoo made a soft content sound against his lips as his hands ran up his neck and through his hair. This only spurred Mingyu to part his mouth and deepen their kiss.

When Mingyu pulled away, he was happily out of breath, and they were back at the top of the ferris wheel.

Wonwoo’s chest moved up and down heavily, and he asked between breaths, “How many times will this thing go around before we get off?” 

“Like six?”

“Oh, then we’re good,” Wonwoo dragged Mingyu back into a kiss by the collar.

“I thought you wanted to come up here to enjoy the view,” Mingyu giggled against his lips when they were slightly apart for some air. “But instead you just want to do this.” 

Wonwoo abruptly pulled away. His cheeks were tinted red and his hair was attractively mussed. 

“Ok then,” Wonwoo huffed, but sounded like teasing. “Fine, be that way, I guess I will just appreciate the view now.” Wonwoo turned away to look out the window, back facing Mingyu. 

“Aw babe, come on, you’re supposed to say I’m better than any view,” he whined moving towards Wonwoo.

“You’re disgusting.” 

Mingyu snuggled closer to Wonwoo, burying his face into the back of his neck. “How can you say that to me.” 

“Well for one, you— ah don’t,” Wonwoo suddenly shuddered and shied away at the touch of Mingyu’s lips on his nape. “Sensitive spot.” 

“Oh sorry,” Mingyu moved his head to Wonwoo’s shoulder instead. “Good to know though,” he smirked. 

Even though he sat with his back to Mingyu, he could quite literally _see_ Wonwoo rolling his eyes right now.

Mingyu quietly slipped back to sit across from him once again. He rested his head against the giant fox doll like a pillow, and the two now sat in silence.

Mingyu liked Wonwoo when he got like this. He didn’t even mind that he wasn’t being given attention. He only felt his heart grow tender watching Wonwoo all lost in thought, or simply admiring the scenery before him.

The ferris wheel continued dipping up and down in the increasingly darkening sky. It was a gentle evening and an even more beautiful night with the stars bright and visible. But Mingyu was fairly certain Wonwoo was the most beautiful thing he’d see tonight— not any starry sky.

 

When it came time for dinner, Wonwoo showed him the way to the Korean Restaurant he wanted to go to and the two ate mainly in silence, eventually going into conversation around the end (it mainly consisted of him blabbering about how excited he was for his job).

Other than eating until he felt like he had a food baby, Mingyu only remembered a tender feeling clutching his chest at one point— something about a long dusted over memory of his mother creating just as good spicy rice-cake soup, tugging away at his heart. Oh, and at one point how he unknowingly got some rice stuck on his chin, and Wonwoo had quietly giggled before brushing it off.

When it came to paying the bill, Wonwoo tried and failed to pay like he wanted, and Mingyu could only roll his eyes and insist otherwise.

( _“I’m the one who pretty much planned this date so-”_

 _“So what? This isn’t 1975. God Wonwoo, just split the bill._ ) 

They walked down the fair a bit more, going on the spinning teacup ride — an absolutely _terrible_ idea right after they had eaten — good god why did they do it? 

Well to be fair, Wonwoo had definitely enjoyed himself. But now he had to spend the next five minutes patting a queasy Mingyu on the back as they sat on a small grassy area of the beach, away from the lights and bustle of main path. 

Mingyu groaned a little, burying his head onto Wonwoo’s shoulder. 

“Ugh, shouldn’t have eaten so much.” 

He chuckled. “More like shouldn’t have gone on that ride.” 

“Tell me about it.”

“Here,” Wonwoo motioned a bottle of water to his lips, and Mingyu took a tiny sip.

After about a minute or two, he felt like he could stand again, and he tugged Wonwoo’s arm. 

“Better?” 

Mingyu nodded his head and the two made their way back to the main path, swinging their intertwined hands between them as they walked.

“Did you have fun?” he asked Wonwoo. 

“Of course I did. I’m spending time with you aren’t I?” 

Mingyu felt his heart jump in happiness, and he grinned widely. He couldn’t help himself but lean over to kiss Wonwoo’s cheek. “I’m glad.” 

Wonwoo blushed, but otherwise remained silent. 

They were almost back at the car when a young girl cheerily asked them as they were passing by, “Would you like to take a photo? It’s totally free, and only optional to print it!” 

She looked way too excited, and wore a fair employee's shirt. Mingyu scanned the surrounding area, and surely enough there were many others like her holding their cameras, asking passing families and couples if they wanted a photo. 

Wonwoo glanced at him questioningly, as if to ask him if he wanted to, and Mingyu just grinned. “Sure,” he shrugged. It wouldn’t hurt if they took it. They’d only have to buy it if it looked good. 

“Alright!” the employee spoke far too enthusiastically. “Ok, position yourselves right there. Yes there. That’s good, yes.”

Wonwoo rested his head against his shoulders, and then there was a click of the shutter alongside a flash. 

When Mingyu looked at the photo, he couldn’t stop a smile from spreading across his face. It looked good. Wonwoo looked so happy, and sweet and—

“I’m buying it,” Mingyu announced a matter-of-factly. 

“Yeah, it looks good,” Wonwoo just murmured. 

They ended up driving back, their heart’s content, their bellies full, and a nice printed photo resting in Wonwoo’s bag.

  
  


***

  
  


Mingyu’s eyes wavered in their sockets as he set the photo frame down.

He squeezed his eyes shut, willing himself to stop thinking about _everything_. 

The sound of the ocean waves still crashed faintly in the background, and he wanted to scream a little. 

He sucked in a sharp breath and stumbled to the window, closing it shut. 

He turned the TV off and walked upstairs, to Wonwoo’s bedroom for once instead of his own, and collapsed onto the bed.

The sheets… didn’t smell like him, like Mingyu thought they would. Maybe it was because they mainly slept together in Mingyu’s room— but even so, the room as a whole didn’t smell like him. 

Mingyu’s lower lip wobbled. 

_Stop thinking_. 

If his goal was to stop thinking, then why was he back in this room that did nothing but make him feel hollow like this? 

That was a difficult question to swallow. 

All Mingyu knew is that he really just missed Jeon Wonwoo. He missed that deep voice, those earthy and soft chuckles, that smile with crinkled nose and eyes, those gentle but sure kisses. And Mingyu longed for him the way the grey months of winter, filled with it’s muddy paths, grey skies, and endless downpour, longed for the fresh green grass and warm shower of sun.

Mingyu sighed heavily. He really needed to stop thinking.

Which is why when night fell, Mingyu found himself drowning out the alcohol that he found in his garage. A couple of bottles of Soju, a couple beers, it was enough to make his mind pleasantly numb, hazy and the world fairly warped.

This wasn’t the first time he did this, but tonight he found himself drinking a little more than usual. And he was unable to stop himself from reaching out and grab another bottle of whatever he was grabbing.

He wasn’t really sure at this point. 

He stepped out onto his deck for the first time in a while, and looked at the ocean feeling more than just a little tipsy. 

“Heyyyyy,” he half yelled, half slurred out to the palm trees and horizon in the distant. 

When only met by the sound of tides and wind, Mingyu just started giggling, and even in his rum steeped fuzzy mind he sounded kind of hysterical to himself. 

He hung his head against the deck.

 _Great now he was talking to the trees._

He clutched the bottle of beer in his hand a little tighter before bringing it to his lips and chugging it down.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wowww I'm so sorry for this super late update... my school started so yeah, things have been wild. And I'm even more sorry for this uneventful, super short, purely fluffy filler-like chapter where I answered zero questions. Truth to be told, the writing I posted here was actually done like 2 weeks ago, but at the time I had continued writing, until I realized the chapter was getting WWAYYY too long so I just cut it and split the chapters into 5 and 6.
> 
> That means I'm almost done chapter 6, so hopefully it'll be out really soon-- plus it'll be interesting enough to hopefully not disappoint you ><


	6. Imperfection and Danger

Winter was approaching fast as the skies tried to hold onto the last of its vibrant fall hues, and Mingyu was slowly settling into his new job, as was Wonwoo. 

One particular evening, Wonwoo entered the house all scruffy and tired. It wasn’t too different from the usual air around him after a long day of work, but Mingyu thought he looked more downtrodden than normal. He trudged into the dining room and plopped his head onto the table with a sigh. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Mingyu gently asked, looking across the kitchen counter at Wonwoo’s slumped over figure. 

The sharp swipe of him slicing vegetables was all that could be heard for a good minute until Wonwoo’s head rose from the table and he turned around in his chair to look at Mingyu. 

“It’s not that important. Just a long day at work,” Wonwoo gave him a tight-lipped smile and Mingyu frowned. 

“Is that all it is?”

When Wonwoo didn’t respond, Mingyu sighed, and walked around the counter to stand in front of him.

“Even if you don’t think it’s important, it still matters to me you know? Because I can see that you’re upset,” Mingyu bent down a little and took Wonwoo’s hands in his. “So at least talk to me.”

Wonwoo only shook his head and pulled his hands away. “I just don’t really feel like talking about it right now…” 

‘That’s alright,” he forced a meager smile, feeling uneasy at how cheerless Wonwoo looked. “But maybe when you feel like it?” 

Wonwoo’s eyes wavered a little when they met his. “Okay.” 

“Okay,” his lips turned up just the slightest fraction with relief. 

 

It was after that brief, but stifling conversation that Mingyu began working away in his study, marking the essays his students had written for their first novel study.

It was getting late, and after the 8th or so essay, he sighed and put his pen down.

Something was off, and he couldn’t quite place his finger on it.

Mingyu’s eyes narrowed and he swivelled around in his chair. It was the house… it was so oddly silent and dead. 

Now it was nothing uncommon for the house to be quiet, considering there was only two of them that lived under this roof— but the walls and floors were thin, and there was always a faint shuffle and clank of Wonwoo here, there… everywhere. But right now it felt very empty, and Mingyu immediately noticed the quiet considering it was like this whenever Wonwoo wasn’t there. 

“Wonwoo?” He called out, and only a jarring silence responded. 

Mingyu looked at the clock that read 9:00 pm, concluding that he definitely couldn’t be asleep. 

Now he was up on his feet calling out for Wonwoo, who, as Mingyu discovered was nowhere to be found in the house.

Mingyu was back in the kitchen looking around when he suddenly noticed the back deck light on, and he quietly slunk out of the glass doors and out into the oddly warm, buzzing night. A light breeze ran through the air that made him shiver a little. 

Mingyu swore the weather was bipolar sometimes. After a week or so of chilly fall air, the temperature was suddenly climbing back up again as if it was trying to desperately claw its way back to summer and escape the deadly clutch of winter and its cold, heavy rainfalls.

Mingyu made his way down the wooden stairs and walked barefoot through the long grass, and he felt his heart swell when he saw Wonwoo sitting curled up on a picnic blanket, laid out on the sand in front of a small fire he had started in the pit. 

“Wow, having a campfire without me?” He teased when he was a couple feet away. His eyes flitted to the glass bottles beside Wonwoo. “And drinking too?” 

Wonwoo abruptly turned his head up, looking a little startled as if he didn’t hear Mingyu approaching. 

“You were busy working— didn’t want to disturb you,” Wonwoo slowly chuckled, though there was an underlying strain in his voice. 

Mingyu gave him a lopsided grin, “Yeah I know.” 

He settled down on the blanket next to Wonwoo, who handed him a bottle of cold beer. No words were exchanged for a while except for their sips and gulps of the yeasty golden liquid, the crackle of fire, and the ever-present lull of the ocean. 

That is until Wonwoo finally turned to face him. “Hey, sorry I’ve been so off today.” 

Mingyu shook his head, “It’s ok.”

Wonwoo sighed and drew in a short breath before talking. “The assholes I’m working for are well…” 

“Assholes?” he finished the sentence.

Wonwoo smiled trivially. “Pretty much.” 

Mingyu exhaled and leaned back on one palm, nose tipped up to look at the stars that were slowly becoming visible in the sky. He could feel Wonwoo’s tentative gaze on him.

“Hey, if you want to say something or tell me something, do it. I’m all ears.” 

Wonwoo looked away. Mingyu knew he always struggled to express himself, tell him how he _really_ felt. Especially when it came to more serious matters.

If something was bothering Wonwoo, he would bite his lips and chew himself inside out with the stress, rather than be upfront about it. It was a miracle he knew as much about the man as he did, considering how closed off he could be sometimes. 

Maybe Mingyu affected Wonwoo more than he thought he did. 

“There’s been some issues with the family I’m working for,” Wonwoo finally sighed. “I don’t really know what’s going on, but there’s been some stealing,” He bit his lips, and Mingyu could see his hands tightening around the drink he was holding. 

Mingyu’s eyes narrowed. “The family you’re working for are really rich right?”

Wonwoo nodded sharply, “Yeah, their house is practically a mansion. They have so many people in and out of their place every day.” He paused and glared across at the water, and Mingyu could sense both his hesitation, and frustration.

“And?” he prompted gently taking a sip or two of his own drink.

“And... and their first instinct is to suspect me! Fucking assholes,” Wonwoo scowled taking a swig of his beer. “Me of all the people, when I’ve been nothing but a good caretaker for their children.”

Mingyu frowned. “Did you do anything to make them suspicious of you?” 

“No.” He could see Wonwoo’s frustrated expression turn into something more bitter. “Just the fact that you know, poor, low-class and previously unemployed boy, _can’t trust the likes of him right_?”

Wonwoo bit out a sharp humourless laugh. 

Mingyu held his tongue feeling stiff, wondering if he was able to say anything comforting without sounding overly superficial.

“I spend a lot of time there, I know I do,” Wonwoo shook his head, sounding more subdued now. “But there are a couple newly hired employees who are in that house just as much as me. And there are some who even live there. But of course, I guess I’m the only _kind_ of person they’d suspect there.” 

With the glow from the flickering fire illuminating Wonwoo’s face, Mingyu could see something like resentment in his eyes as he spoke. He wanted nothing more but to pull him into a hug and make it all go away. He hated seeing such an ugly expression on Wonwoo. 

“Hey, don’t say that. Whatever they think, fuck them.” Mingyu placed the beer beside him in the sand and took Wonwoo by the waist to pull him closer. 

“Well Mingyu, I can’t exactly just do that when I can lose my job can I?”

Maybe Wonwoo noticed his guarded expression because his sharp stare suddenly mellowed, and his lips upturned slightly. “Though I mean, you do have the right idea.”

Mingyu laughed lightly and took the sides of Wonwoo’s thighs to turn him and pull him even closer until he was practically on his lap.

He nuzzled into Wonwoo’s neck and could now feel the faint buzz in his head from the bottles of beer, and his limbs felt pleasantly loose; although when Wonwoo remained as stiff as a board against him, Mingyu pulled his head back and frowned.

“Wonwoo, listen to me,” his voice cracked slightly from the chilly breeze around them. “You’re an amazing person. You’re so smart and kind and genuine and — you’re so perfect.”

Wonwoo’s face remained shadowed from the fire flickering behind him so Mingyu couldn’t gage at his expression, but he continued anyways. 

“And the people who hired don’t deserve even you. I mean, if they can’t see all that, they’re not worth it. So whatever happens, happens. Seriously, even if you lose this job I can also give you good recommendations where I work, so you have something to fall back on you know?” He shifted from his seat a little so he could see Wonwoo’s face. “I'm just saying you don’t need to worry.” 

“What?” Wonwoo’s voice suddenly had this weariness that Mingyu was unfamiliar with. “No… I- I don’t need that. You’ve done enough for me, seriously you— ”

“What do you mean?” Mingyu cut in sharply. “I’m just saying I can help.” 

“Well I don’t-” Wonwoo sighed. “Look I just want to be able to do things with my own power you know?” 

“Hey, I’m not saying I can get a _job_ for you. I’m just saying I can give you a recommendation. Think of it like opening up an opportunity.” 

“I get that.” Wonwoo looked away and sighed more heavily, sounding tired now. “I-it’s not even that. I mean haven’t you ever wished to become something _more_ than you already are? Like you barely had control over the life you were living? And you wanted to change things with your own two hands and work? That how I feel, so it’s just that… I think I’m too reliant on you at times, that’s all.” 

Mingyu felt his stomach squeeze. “This is enough for me. I have you, and my job. And I just thought I could help you with your position too… what do you mean reliant on me? I…” Mingyu hesitated, “I _want_ to help you Wonwoo.” 

He scanned Wonwoo’s face that had now masked itself into a blank slate, and somehow that scared him. It was fear of not understanding what Wonwoo was thinking or feeling. The ocean sounded louder behind them, and the campfire turned dimmer leaving nothing but glowing embers in the place of its flames. 

He peered closer at Wonwoo, trying so hard to tear away the sudden walls that were forming around him even though they were only inches apart.

Maybe Wonwoo could sense the nerves coiling in Mingyu's stomach, because he suddenly reached out to cup his jaw, rubbing gently at the corner of his lips as if to reassure him. “Hey, I know you do. I’m sorry, don’t make that face,” Wonwoo spoke gently. “I’m just feeling off today alright? I don’t think the drinking helped.”

“Alright,” Mingyu echoed back, an uneasiness still tugging and prickling underneath his skin. 

“Let’s go back inside?” Wonwoo abruptly broke his train of thought. “It’s kind of getting chilly.” 

“Oh, um yeah... ok.” 

Wonwoo stood up off of him and put out the fire, while Mingyu rolled up the blanket and grabbed the empty beer bottles, which he proceeded to throw out in the kitchen once they were inside. 

The two slowly made their way upstairs, Mingyu a couple steps behind Wonwoo. When he entered their bedroom, he impulsively closed the door behind him even though there was no reason to. 

“Wonwoo…” 

Wonwoo swivelled around to face him. 

Whatever Mingyu’s train of uneasy thoughts were as he followed Wonwoo into this bedroom, they were all forgotten the moment Wonwoo took sudden steps towards him, the tips of their toes now touching.

He wrapped his arms around Mingyu’s neck and leaned in so close their noses were almost brushing. 

“Can we stop talking about my job and bruised pride and ego?” Wonwoo laughed airily and the puff of his warm breath against Mingyu’s skin, laced with the faint scent of beer, and a whiff of cologne made a shiver run through him. 

Mingyu visibly gulped, trying to fight off a nervous smile and the sudden patter of his heart. “Only if you want to stop. And if you’ll be okay.”

“I will.” 

An unusual dark glint passed over Wonwoo’s eyes for a split second before he pulled Mingyu straight into an open mouthed, intimate kiss. 

That same lightheaded, dizzying sensation was there when they parted, and there was only a second’s breath between them before he was pulled back in again. Mingyu felt like all his senses were going numb except for the feeling of Wonwoo’s lips and tongue all warm and slick against his mouth. 

Their clumsy hands ran over each other, and Wonwoo quickly pulled apart his buttoned shirt, letting it fall to the ground before taking off his own. 

Any tense conversation that had occurred between them seemed to have been put out like a candle, leaving nothing but a cold, bare wisp of smoke in its place.

Maybe Mingyu could’ve, _should’ve_ , stopped them from going any further- stop and backtrack to the conversation Wonwoo clearly wanted to avoid. But of course he was already too deep to think clearly. 

Lost in the moment, and with alcohol faintly thrumming through both their systems, they stumbled backwards landing softly onto the bed. 

With Mingyu’s hands caging Wonwoo, he dipped down to his neck and ran his mouth over his collarbones. Feeling pleased when he could hear a faint whine from the back of Wonwoo’s throat, he shifted against him and pushed their hips purposefully against each other. 

Wonwoo inhaled sharply at the movement. “Mingyu,” he suddenly breathed out. 

He leaned back slightly to meet Wonwoo’s eyes, a knowing look crossing over his face and it shook his heart a little.

Maybe it was silly, but Mingyu was somehow _scared_ to take things to another level with Wonwoo. The two, up until now, had avoided any below the belt stuff. Maybe it was because both of them didn’t want to screw things up despite having multiple partners in the past. 

So now, when Wonwoo was dragging him in so quickly, he couldn’t help but ask, “Wait, how intoxicated are you?” 

Wonwoo smirked a little at that, “Only slightly buzzed- maybe not even. I only had like two bottles.” 

“Ok, me too.”

Wonwoo gazed at him with dark lustful eyes back full force. “You’re oddly cautious you know that?” He leaned up to press a tender kiss to the corner of his jaw. 

“Only with you.” Mingyu murmured. “I just don’t want to mess anything up.” 

“You of all people couldn’t mess anything up Mingyu,” Wonwoo whispered against his lips, running his palms over Mingyu’s bare back and making his skin feel a little like a trail of fire was moving through it. 

Mingyu nodded in understanding, and his muscles relaxed as Wonwoo seemed to melt into him. “Let me know if you want to stop.” 

“Alright,” Wonwoo shuddered, voice raw and tight when Mingyu’s hands slipped underneath his waistband. 

 

Who knows how long later, Wonwoo lay in Mingyu’s arms with only the sound of their breaths that filled the encompassing, yet pleasant silence. 

Wonwoo’s eyes remained fluttered shut as Mingyu took in the way his chest rose and fell, or the way his disheveled dark hair fell over his eyelids- and Mingyu promptly felt something demanding clawing against his heart.

_Was he in love?_

He could only wonder as the faint scent of barley from the beer they drank mingled among their steady exhales.

  
  


***

  
  


Mingyu felt his brain shudder and time slow down after the memories stopped playing in his head like a rolling film.

He shook his head, trying to shrug off the nauseating wave washing through his stomach. 

He clutched his abdomen, and then all at once the watery contents of his stomach came out in a forceful wretch. He coughed and wheezed, feeling the faint burn of alcohol in his sinuses as he tried to calm his stomach down.

He hadn’t even drunk _that_ much— only enough to make him slightly drunk, but definitely not throw up. It was probably because he decided to chug down that bottle so quickly.

Mingyu shook his head a little as if that would make him think more clearly.

Once he had calmed down and stopped coughing, he clumsily stumbled back inside having had enough of everything.

 

The following nights he couldn’t fall asleep. He just lay there wide-awake, staring at the dark ceiling, filled with nothing but a void of sobering feelings.

Every time he closed his eyes he could only see Wonwoo, _feel_ Wonwoo, all through the rapid clips of his memories. And even though he let his hands wander, jacking off to his thoughts of Wonwoo only proved to be absolutely terrible afterwards when he was just left with a hollowing feeling; a shell in the place of his heart.

One night, he turned on his lamp with a heavy sigh, listening to the hum of the otherwise silent house. The refrigerator always seemed to come to life at night— because despite humming away all day, only at night was the sound so starkly loud against the backdrop silence of the house.

Mingyu crawled out of bed, heading to his shelf in hopes of finding a book to read to help him fall asleep. There were a lot of classics on his shelf, and he was going to pick up Sherlock Holmes: A study in Scarlet, when his hands stopped beside an old fashioned black Polaroid camera that sat at the corner of his shelf.

He slowly picked the camera up, examining it as if there was anything to see. The back showed that there were still a couple squares of film left in it.

Without any further thought Mingyu pressed the shutter, and he was pleased to see that it still worked. The camera whirred and out came a small photo, its dark image slowly brightening and revealing a snapshot of his bare feet against the beige carpet.

He looked back on the shelf, and beside the camera was a small stack of Polaroid photos. Mingyu started flipping through them finding pictures of scenery, or himself. He surmised that Wonwoo must’ve taken all of them.

There were a couple selfies of the two of them smiling and laughing as well, and there was something painfully beautiful about them. 

He stared and stared at the photos. 

They stared back.

And as he kept looking, the photos turned from something beautiful to something ugly in Mingyu’s heart. 

Their happy smiles turned into mocking grins. Their bright laughs suddenly looked sinister.

He realized with a jolt that he was clenching the photos way too hard, and his grip loosened. However, his heart that was now beating hard in his chest didn’t calm down.

Something like anger and frustration sparked in Mingyu, and burning tears threatened to spill from the back of his eyes.

With a clench of his teeth he held them back and stormed down the stairs. His heart thudded louder and louder in his chest, and the memories piled one after another in his mind. A sort of delirium rose further and further, clawing up his throat until it felt like he was suffocating. He couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think, and only kept walking, turning corner after corner of his house without any idea of where he was going. And then he came to a sudden halt. 

He was outside.

The night was cold, and the sky was pitch black. He was on the patio, in front of his pool. 

Mingyu’s heartbeat grew quiet and time was suddenly moving in slow motion. The next couple seconds happened as though he were watching broken snapshots of a film, and the things he saw were suddenly being processed in fragments. 

He was holding the Polaroid photos in his hands.

Then he was watching the photos slowly sink into the inky dark water before him. 

He was then turning away from the pool and looking up at the black sky. Not a single star was in view.

He could feel the rise and fall of his chest.

Then a single beat later, he was letting go. 

He was falling…

and falling,

_and falling._

The water was icy cold, but he could barely feel it. The sky was slipping farther away.

His vision blurred over and he was sinking deeper. The last thing he could recall was the smell of chlorine. 

  


 

  


It was the first time the memories had appeared like this.

Rather than simply surfacing from the back of his mind, this memory felt more like he was _experiencing_ the moment, and not just remembering it. It was like he was re-living it all.

Except. It was from another body. And he was watching the scene unfold before him, as though it were a play.

The memories were also different than usual; because unlike the clarity he usually received, this time it was like watching a bad recording. The scenes stammered, cut, and went blurry. The sounds were muffled, or sometimes completely filtered out. 

He could see Wonwoo and _himself_ in their bedroom. He looked angry, and there was a dejected look in Wonwoo’s eyes. It was raining hard outside, and there were flashes of lightning and thunder. 

“Honestly, it’s always like this with you isn’t it?” Mingyu almost growled. 

“That’s not what I was trying to say,” Wonwoo’s voice sounded muffled.

It suddenly felt like water was pulsating into his ears, drowning away whatever his past self was saying, so he couldn’t hear the response. 

Wonwoo eyes grew just a fraction, but Mingyu continued talking. 

“If you’re so unhappy with your life Wonwoo, why don’t you do something about it?” his words were sharp, falling hard like stones. “Why do you pile it onto me like it’s _my problem_?” 

As soon as those words were said, Mingyu could immediately see the regret in his former self’s eyes. 

Tears threatened to spill from Wonwoo’s eyes, and his voice was shaky when he spoke. “Pile my problems onto _you_? Are you fucking kidding me?” 

Wonwoo was now moving past Mingyu.

“W-wait, no” Mingyu stammered, trying to take him by the shoulder. “I didn’t mean it like that. Won-”

Wonwoo shoved him away. “Don’t touch me,” he hissed. “This conversation is over.”

Mingyu sighed ruffling his hair until it looked a little wild.

The scene cut away, and he saw more flashes of their arguments from the past, playing through like a montage. Though none of them seemed as significant. He also saw more moments of them looking happy together. 

And suddenly, Mingyu was back to the day of the argument he first saw. It was now nighttime and it was still raining hard outside. However, the thunder had subsided, leaving only a pathetic dreary pour.

One second he was watching Wonwoo writing something, the next second Wonwoo was placing an envelope on the small square coffee table. Then the scene flashed to Wonwoo stepping into a cab with his bags.

Even though Mingyu was merely a ghost looking back into the past at this point, he couldn’t stop himself from trying to yell out, scream out, for him not to leave. Either way, no sound came out.

The scene dissolved to nothing. 

Now Mingyu was watching himself. Maybe a day later from when Wonwoo left. Or maybe it was a year later. God knows. Well whatever it was, he looked miserable: practically a living corpse. 

It was strange watching himself; because watching it just made Mingyu want to tell himself to “get his shit together”. But he also knew that things were easier said than done. 

The scenery shifted once again, and now Mingyu was watching himself get on a small boat around evening. He was calmly paddling, moving further and further away from shore. The sky was clear at first, but quickly dark clouds started rolling in.

Mingyu wanted to scream at himself. Just what the hell was he doing? Did he not see the clouds?!

But no, he just kept paddling.

It was only when rain started hitting the water, creating millions of ripples around his boat, and the wind started picking up that Mingyu seemed to have decided that this wasn’t such a good idea after all.

He started turning away and paddling frantically back to shore. The ocean was now wild. The waves rolled furiously, and it was as though the heavens were releasing all their rage and anger at the puny mortals below.

The little boat Mingyu was in was whacked around violently by the relentless ocean waves.

And just like that, he was gone.

The boat capsized and the stormy sea swallowed him whole. 

Suddenly Mingyu realized he was no longer watching the scene happen. He was in his own body.

He was drowning.

He was sinking lower and lower. The water was flooding into his lungs and suffocating him.

And it was in that dying moment, he understood.

Mingyu finally understood that no matter who he was with, where he was, try as he might, he would always be _alone_.  
Because that was just it— there was nothing more to it.

After all, his uncle was an asshole who was using him. His father just left him. God knows where he was now. Maybe dead. Maybe still somewhere out there. Jisoo left in a similar fashion; no explanation, no phone call, no warning. He left and Mingyu thought the silence would suffocate him. But he was already enduring another kind of silence from his mother. The kind of silence where she only heard herself, and nothing about what _he_ wanted to do with his life. His friends were all far away and pre-occupied with their own hectic lives and jobs, so there was nothing there either. 

Yet despite all that, despite all of it, he thought so certainly that Wonwoo would stay. That Wonwoo was _different_ , and Wonwoo would make him feel not so _alone_ anymore. 

That was such a laughable, naïve dream, that Mingyu didn’t know what the hell he had been thinking. Because Mingyu was the kind of insecure, pathetic person that needed someone else to make him feel complete. He couldn’t love himself enough so he needed to cling to someone else’s love for his own happiness. And when he met Wonwoo, when he fell in love with Wonwoo, he thought selfishly: he found his happiness. Yet never did he ask if Wonwoo was happy, did he? 

It all came to him like a moment of sick realization.

Mingyu’s flailing limbs went slack underwater and he stopped fighting the thrashing ocean. All at once he felt his head crash into something.

Then everything cut to black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well damn, one more chapter to go. I purposefully left things really vague about Wonwoo, but everything will be answered in the last chapter. (Btw the thing that hit Mingyu's head was the boat) 
> 
> OH AND VOTE FOR SEVENTEEN ON MAMA Y'ALL ;-; Voting is 30% so it's really really important to vote now, and our boys really deserve it (tutorial @17Hwaiting on Twitter).


	7. Another Chapter

_Beep,_

_…beep_

The first thing he remembered seeing was a painfully blinding white light. 

Mingyu slowly blinked as his unfocused eyes tried to regain their balance. His brain felt foggy as he tried to make sense of his surroundings.

He moved his neck and realized he was lying on a bed. He looked down slightly, taking in the pale pallor of the cold blue sheets that covered him.

When he turned his head sideways, his eyes trailed up an IV drip pole. Past the pole he could see some machines.

_A… a hospital?_

Mingyu slowly breathed in and out, beginning to realize just how stiff and sore he felt. He could now feel with every heavy and long breath he took, the strange tubes hooked into his nostrils.

There were various tubes and needles all injected along his arms as well which restricted his movement.

The muffled voice of a woman’s suddenly cut through his dazed awakening. 

“Mingyu?! Oh my god.” 

There was the faint sound of footsteps rapidly approaching him and he squinted up at the blurry figure of a woman standing over him.

She slowly came into focus as she collapsed into the chair beside his bed. “You’re awake,” she choked out with tears in her eyes.

She had short black hair, thin lips, and dark circles under her rounded eyes. The creases and wrinkles on her face stood out in the harsh lighting of the hospital.

“M-mom?” Mingyu’s voice sounded distant and scratchy, and even _unusual_ to himself. It sounded as though he hadn’t used it in years, and his throat felt closed up.

The woman slowly nodded, now crying, and brought her hand over his. 

“What… what happened?” Mingyu slowly formulated the question, the words sluggish in his mouth.

His mother started rambling now, and Mingyu could barely understand what she was going on about. 

Everything still felt so hazy and foggy around him.

Something about drowning.

Something about a boat.

Something about rescuers.

A man with a blue hospital uniform came in after that, asking his mother to leave for a while as he started checking Mingyu’s vitals.

 

 

 

It turned out that Mingyu had been in a coma for a bit more than a month.

As he slowly recovered, he got used to the nurses around him daily, and had small chats with them. One of the nurses in particular, named Seungkwan, got along quite well with him. One day, in the middle of their aimless conversations, Seungkwan slipped out that a couple of days before Mingyu had woken up, the doctors had lost hope in him and suggested to his mother that she “let him go”.

When Seungkwan left to go take care of other patients, Mingyu thought long and hard about this, and felt his heart flip in fear. He could have very well been dead right now, rather than sitting in a hospital bed listening to the soft patter of rain.

He didn’t mention anything about him knowing this little piece of information to his mother. But when she came to visit him shortly after with warm rice and multiple side dishes, he just leaned over and pulled her into a tight hug.

Maybe he wanted to thank her for sticking with him a little longer. Or maybe he just missed her. He missed being a part of her life, he missed the gentle kisses she placed on his forehead when he was an annoying little kid, he missed the way she said ‘I love you’ before she dropped him off to school every day; Mingyu missed it all.

And suddenly Mingyu was no longer a grown adult with a full-time job, a house, a car... No, he was a little kid again who was afraid to let go and grow up, and there were tears dribbling down his cheeks.

“Mingyu? What’s wrong?” His mom pulled away from him with a surprised and worried expression. 

Mingyu just shook his and buried his face into her shoulder, only squeezing her tighter in his embrace.

“Jeez, what has gotten into you,” he heard his mom nervously chuckle.

When she was gone to find some extra napkins for his food, Mingyu turned his attention outside to the window. It was raining and he wasn’t sure if he liked it. The lazily drizzle on the fogged up windows kept reminding him of a certain person he wanted to forget.

But really, did Mingyu want to forget Wonwoo?

His ‘dreams’ definitely proved him otherwise; because no matter how much it hurt, Mingyu realized that _not_ remembering hurt far more. 

Now that he was awake, all his memories were present and back in their place. All the gaps were filled and Mingyu now understood. He understood that he got into the accident only a week or two after Wonwoo had left.

Mingyu didn’t tell anyone about his strange experiences, which he concluded were just dreams, but he definitely mulled over them.

It was unusual, but those dreams had all seemed strangely real and familiar to him; meanwhile, reality felt far more surreal— it was the exact opposite of how it _should_ be.

The very fact that he could now wake up every day to something new and not the same loop over and over was beyond relieving. He could see other people everyday, even if they just consisted of doctors and nurses, and occasionally his mother.

It got him thinking a whole lot more about Wonwoo, and now that the thoughts were out in the open, he simply couldn’t put them away.

“Mom,” he slowly began, when his mother had come back with the napkins. “Was there...” he paused, “anyone you saw, who came by here? Like not today... but anytime before I actually woke up? 

His mom looked at him, momentarily confused. “Came by, _here_? Like to see you?”

Mingyu nodded hesitantly.

“A couple of your friends I think. Jihoon and Seungcheol was it? You know them from college right?”

Mingyu’s eyes widened in surprise, and he slowly nodded.

Those two lived at least 10 hours away by car, yet they came to see him? A new sensation of warmth pooled in Mingyu’s stomach. It was strange to think that even though they couldn’t really be here for him majority of the time due to the distance, they would always pull through for him in the most difficult situations. 

“And a few people who said they worked with you also came to visit. I don’t remember their names exactly." 

“I see... so no one else?” Mingyu’s shoulder deflated just a fraction. 

“Ok I mean, your sister came with me once,” his mom looked up at the ceiling in thought. “Well now that you ask...”

Mingyu eyes snapped up, waiting expectantly.

“Y-yes, there was actually a man, a few weeks ago. I think he came a couple times, as I saw in the visitor sign in sheet, but I only saw him once. He was walking past me and out of your room, so I wasn’t able to talk to him. 

“I see,” Mingyu sunk back in his bed. Who else would that be but Wonwoo?

“Is he your friend?”

Mingyu’s stomach flipped. “U-um yeah, something like that.”

When his mother left he spent ten minutes trying to send a text to Wonwoo before finally giving up. What was he supposed to say? _Heard you came to see me. Why’d you leave?_ Mingyu just shook his head with a sigh.

 

 

  

It was only a couple days later that Mingyu was discharged. He trudged home and collapsed on his couch.

There could have been a flurry of worries in his brain, like about his job, or about how he was going to get caught up and back on track, and basically everything... but really, there was only one thing running in his head: he was back here, where all his memories with Wonwoo began. 

Everything painful and beautiful was all smushed together into a jumble in this house made of wood and bricks and cement. 

He sat in a daze in the dining table trying to recall everything— something he could actually do now. 

He kept thinking back on his ‘dreams’, and couldn’t help but think he was missing something— something _important_. 

But no matter how important something was, life would move on, time would still keep going— and Mingyu? He would dust over, frozen in one spot trying to recall something that would long since be forgotten.

  

 

 

Weeks passed and Mingyu struggled to pick himself back up. He wanted to think he was ok, but he wasn’t. He really wasn’t.

He just wanted to rewind time and end everything.

Or maybe he just wanted to fast-forward to see the end of the story quicker... know if he would ever be happy with himself. 

Everyday he’d wake up and drown himself in this sort of sorrow.

But one clear Saturday morning, everything changed.

He was simply going about his usual business (called moping) when he found himself lazily sitting in the living room.

He picked up the photo of Wonwoo and him together and blew off the dust that had collected on it. It was his first time looking at something Wonwoo related since he’d been discharged from the hospital.

Mingyu stared long and hard at the photo, specifically at Wonwoo, and the way his nose crinkled when he smiled. He started thinking of how Wonwoo would always really intently write on his laptop and his journal. Or the way he’d look so happy when Mingyu made him his favourite snack— tteokbokki. And once this vicious cycle of thoughts started, Mingyu couldn’t stop. He went on, and on, and on, thinking about every single memory he had with Wonwoo. 

But when he reached the end... he knew something was missing. He was _still_ missing something and he didn’t know what. 

Mingyu stared at the ceiling before slipping his eyes shut. 

Suddenly his eyes flew open, and he abruptly stood up.          

Mingyu had never understood the expression people liked to use of how “a thought hit them like a lightning bolt”...that is until this exact moment; because that was exactly what happened to him. 

It was as though someone suddenly flicked the ‘on’ switch in his brain, and he was at last awake.

While Mingyu was in coma, he had all those strange ‘dreams’, and those dreams were filled with memory after memory. He understood all those memories now. All of them were in their place, and all of them made sense.

_All but one._

Mingyu frantically looked around him. He didn’t know why it took him so long to figure it out... But really, the last couple things he saw before waking up in the hospital room weren’t _his_ memories.

All those things he saw as he was “drowning”; Wonwoo stepping into a cab, Wonwoo standing in this very room writing something, Wonwoo placing an _envelope_ on the table... none of those were his own memories.

He had no recollection of them in reality.

Maybe he had made it all up?

But no... they felt way too real. They felt like more than just mere dreams as he had previously thought.

In a flurry of thoughts Mingyu started throwing the couch cushions to the ground and frantically looking around.

He dropped to the ground and peered underneath his couches. He was about to get back up when amidst the dust, a flat looking object, caught his eye. It was barely visible and could have just been a misplaced floorboard, but Mingyu was immediately up on his feet, coughing and pushing his couch to the side.

Surely enough in the middle of all the dust and grime in the place of where his couch normally would be, a dusted over pastel green envelope lay.

Mingyu’s breath caught in his throat. His hands trembled as he reached down and picked up the flat rectangular card.

He swiped off the layer of dust that covered that paper, and then just stood there unsure of what to do.

The obvious thought would be to open it, but for some reason that very thought _scared_ him.

Mingyu slowly turned the envelope in his hands and looked at the ‘From Wonwoo’ written on the envelope. 

He gulped, and then slowly he tore the edge of the envelope, his heart growing louder in his ears with each second. The real question was; what was he even scared of? Wonwoo couldn’t leave him a second time... what could possibly hurt him any more than what had already been done? 

Maybe he’d find out. 

He exhaled and tipped the envelope, letting a thin clean sheet of folded paper slide out. Slowly, and with as much courage as he could muster, Mingyu opened the letter.

He started reading the messy scrawl of ink that Jeon Wonwoo had left behind.

 

_Dear Mingyu,_

_I honestly can’t believe I’m writing this to you. It’s like I don’t know what to say to you, but at the same time I have too much to say._

_Maybe I should first start off by apologizing. Because really, this is all my fault. Knowing you, you’d blame yourself for it, but that wouldn’t be right. I don’t want you to feel that way. I’m sorry I fell in love with you the way I did. And I’m sorry I broke your heart. I’m just sorry._

_A couple of weeks ago, one of the writers I looked up to the most, asked me to move to New York so they could mentor me. On top of that a publishing agency based there also wanted me to be a part of their team. I’m sorry I never told you this. But how could I? When you looked so happy... You were finally following your dream; the weight placed on you was being lifted and you were actually pursuing what you wanted. I was so happy for you – I still am – and I could never step in and ruin that. No matter how close we grew, I didn’t think I had the right to ruin that. Because the thing is Mingyu, I guess over the past year I’ve come to know you. And knowing you, you would drop everything and just follow me if I told you this. I’m right aren’t I_

_I didn’t want to live with the guilt of being the perpetrator of ruining what you had already built for yourself._

_You and I would talk about dreams a lot right? But did you ever notice how one-sided the conversations were? They were always about your dreams and happiness. This was never your fault; it was only mine because I’m the one who kept my lips shut. You’d always try to knock away those walls, and maybe that’s why I fell in love with you— but you never did push past them entirely. I always wanted to become a better person for you, but writing this now, I realize I’ve gotten nowhere, and I’m still a terrible person for doing this to you._

_I’m sorry I only had indirect arguments with you, talking about how I was never satisfied with my life; and how powerless I felt sometimes. I made it seem like it was your fault, when it was nowhere close to that. But I finally realized enough was enough. If I really wanted to be happy with my life I was going to have to get up and change it myself. And that would start with moving to New York._

_I’m most sorry that I never told you all this in person... but I think if I saw you, even just the tiniest glimpse would make me drop everything and keep me frozen in this place. I would lose all the courage to move._

_Please don’t think you weren’t enough for me. Because you **are**. You’re more than enough. But with the way I am now, I don’t deserve you at all. I’m the one that needs to change. I realize this letter is a whole lot of “it’s not you, it’s me” ...but it’s the truth. Maybe we met at the wrong time, the wrong place, the wrong everything... in a couple years, maybe I could’ve been in a better place that would make me fit to stand with you more as an equal. But with the way I am now, it’s just not enough. I’m just not enough. And it’s unfair for me to make you bear my dissatisfaction any longer._

_Another chapter of my life began since I met you— but that’s just it; our months together were just one chapter, and there are countless more chapters left. There’s a whole story to write. I’m not asking for you to wait for me... because time will keep moving and I hope you will too. But I do hope somewhere amidst the pages our paths will cross again._

_Thank you for always being so kind and amazing to me. I love you._

 

_\- Wonwoo_

Mingyu never understood what “closure” truly meant until the moment he finished reading the letter. The letter, he finally realized was closure for him.

But what Mingyu didn’t realize, was that it was also a turning point.

 

 

 

 

For the next following months that passed, Mingyu started to keep himself busy. “ _Time will keep moving and I hope you will too,”_ Wonwoo had said. Maybe he was taking Wonwoo’s words to heart, and at last starting to heal.

Mingyu spent his days working hard at his job, and he often hung out with his colleagues, eventually becoming close friends with a few of them. On days when he was free, he would volunteer with kids at the local hospital, as he always enjoyed doing. Beyond that, he visited his mother often and took care of her.

Mingyu didn’t realize the shift in him until he went to see his younger sister at her graduation, and she remarked that he looked different (“happier and more energetic” she had said offhandedly).

Had Mingyu really changed? He couldn’t tell. Well whatever it was, it was fine with him.

Mingyu didn’t stop recalling memories from his past either, but something shifted in him there as well. The past somehow seemed to create less turmoil in him. It didn’t stir countless of negative sticky thoughts in his head; instead, he was able to think and contemplate on his memories somewhat freely. Looking back on the past still hurt time to time, and he still missed Wonwoo (and probably could never stop missing him), but it wasn’t as debilitating.

Instead he saw the past for what it was; something unchangeable, and set in stone. He focused on the present rather than mulling over the regrets and sadness that grappled at his heart whenever he thought about the past. Instead, he just tried to let it go, and only looked back to reminisce with nostalgia.

And before he knew it, a year had passed since his accident, and it was now summertime.

 

 

  

One particular hazy summer morning, Mingyu stretched awake to the sound of morning waves and his landline phone ringing. He frowned in confusion.

Who could that be? No one ever called his landline.

He lazily dragged himself out of bed and towards the rotary phone, (which he honestly had no idea why he still kept).

“Hello?” he answered.

There was a short pause before a frail voice of an old woman responded.

“Hello Mingyu.”

Even though he only met her twice, Mingyu immediately identified the voice as the former owner of his current house. Something about her accented voice stuck with him ever since her visit— its soft but steady quality rang true with every word.

“Oh, um, hello... Granny Mizuha right?" 

She chuckled softly. “I’m surprised you remember.”

“I guess I have a good memory,” Mingyu responded, which was a complete lie. “Anyway, um, how are you?”

“Ah, I’m doing as good as any old person can I suppose... you’re probably wondering why I’m calling you right?” She paused with a soft chuckle. “You can ask you know.”

Mingyu flushed a little, thankful that this conversation was across the phone. “Um, yes... it would be helpful if you told me.”

He could hear the small smile in her voice as she spoke. “I was only wondering if I could visit some time.”

“Yes of course,” Mingyu immediately answered. “It’s the summer time and I have nothing planned for this week, so please come by any time.”

“Ah thank you, how kind of you. Is it alright if I come day after tomorrow in the afternoon?”

“Yes that would be fine." 

“Thank you again Mingyu." 

“Of course, you’re welcome here any time.”

“I’ll see you then. Bye for now”

“Ok, good bye." 

Mingyu put the phone down. He wondered why the granny suddenly wanted to visit the house (or maybe him)— but he decided not to mull over it too much. After all, she was old... she must have her reasons.

 

 

 

When the old owner arrived in a car a couple days later as she said she would, her daughter was the first to greet him. She shook his hand before introducing herself.

“I’m just here to drop her off,” she said with a smile. “Please do call me at this number if anything comes up. And for when she wants to be picked up.”

“Oh, ok I will.”

The daughter nodded her head. “She’s old and a little doozy sometimes so I don’t totally trust her with her phone. You never know what might happen you know?”

“I understand,” Mingyu chuckled as the granny slowly stepped out of the car, and he quickly went over to help her out.

When they were inside, Mingyu helped her to the backyard to sit on the deck swing as she wanted. “I’ll go make some tea,” he told her before he stepped inside.

He could see her through the glass doors leading to the deck from the kitchen. She looked by at peace sitting on the swing by herself.

Mingyu wondered that if he lived to be that old, would he look at peace like that too? Or would he only be full of regrets and unhappiness?

He turned back to the tea and poured it into cups with some biscuits before bringing it on a tray outside. They sat on the swing in a comfortable sort of silence for a while, before the lady finally spoke. “It’s nice out here isn’t it?”

“Yes it is...” Mingyu’s voice trailed off. He looked up at the gentle yolky yellow that was the sun today, which wasn’t as bright as most days, but made the world seem that much more peaceful. “Do you miss this place granny?”

“I do. Why do you think I came to visit today?” She chuckled.

“I thought it was something like that.”

“My husband passed away a week ago,” she spoke calmly, as if she were talking about the change in the weather.

“Oh, u-uh,” Mingyu stuttered, surprised by the sudden remark. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. He lived a long and fulfilled life.”

“That’s good then,” Mingyu softly answered.

“I think it’s time for me to go too. That’s why I came here,” She closed her eyes. “I hope I pass away on Friday. 

Mingyu’s eyes widened. “L-like day after tomorrow Friday?”

“Yes,” she looked at him with an almost teasing smile. “Now, why do you look so surprised? When you live to be this old, death becomes such a trivial matter you know?”

Mingyu laughed nervously. “I suppose you’re right. It’s still odd though. Doesn’t leaving all _this_ behind make you sad or scared?” Mingyu gestured around him.

“No,” Granny Mizuha shook her head, her eyes full of thought. “I feel like I have lived long enough. Now I just want to close my eyes and rest. It’s not like that for everyone I know... some people always want more. But with my husband gone, I feel like my time is up too. I don’t mind." 

“You’re happy with your life then?”

“Relatively yes. There have been ups and downs.”

“But isn’t there more you want to see?”

“Mingyu, there is always more that people want to see,” she turned to look at him and her gaze seemed to carry this sort of wisdom and thought that crossed beyond what Mingyu understood. “But you reach a point in life where you simply accept that you can never truly see or experience or know _everything_ that you want. And you move on.”

“I see,” Mingyu looked down at his lap.

“Now, enough about me,” she laughed. “I’m somebody meeting my end, so there’s nothing interesting or important here. Rather, how are you doing?”

“I’m doing...” Mingyu paused slightly, staring off at the view of the horizon from his deck, “...good actually.”

He was surprised by his own answer, mainly because it wasn’t a lie. He actually was good. Maybe he wasn’t the happiest, most cheerful person on earth, but he definitely wasn’t sad or angry. He had reached what he considered ‘a comfortable and stable emotional state’, which was all he really needed. 

“I see, I’m glad,” the lady smiled at him, the wrinkles in her face creasing with the stretch of her thin lips, and her eyes twinkled slightly. “Do you remember our last conversation?”

“Yes I do... You told me this _place_ would help me come to term with my thoughts." 

“And did it do that?”

Mingyu thought long and hard about this. He mainly recalled his strange dreams when he was in comatose. All of them seemed plausible as dreams... but how could he dream that Wonwoo wrote a letter for him, something he had no prior knowledge about, and that exact letter appeared in reality?

Mingyu always knew the world was full of mysteries, and that was one of them. But looking at the old lady’s knowing eyes now, he slowly realized that maybe it wasn’t such a mystery after all.

“It did,” he finally answered. 

“What did it make you realize?”

“It made me realize that there are people who’ve cared for me this whole time, even when I thought I was alone...” his voice started trailing off, but Granny Mizuha nodded encouragingly so he continued. “I- I always blamed myself for people leaving me, but I realized... maybe that’s just the way things happen in life. And it isn’t my fault, or even always theirs, but situations and circumstances that make it so." 

“Are you’re happier now realizing that?”

Mingyu nodded his head in response. He stopped fidgeting in his seat and turned to the old lady. “I guess I stopped hurting myself over the past because of it. I learned to let go.’

Vocalizing these thoughts made Mingyu realize for the first time, maybe he _had_ changed.

“I’m happy for you,” she smiled gently at him. “Mingyu, do you know the secret to not feeling alone?”

“What is it?”

“It’s to love yourself first before trying to love others.”

Mingyu’s throat went dry. He realized in an instant that she was right.

“We all need other people in our lives,” she continued. “It is only human nature to want friendship and love. But we can’t be so dependent on others to the point we aren’t able to function autonomously. I learned that the hard way in life, just as you did. We come into this world on our own, and we leave on our own. The only person that will stay forever by your side, is yourself." 

“I understand,” he softly answered and looked down at his lap. “When you said I am the first person to live here alone, you didn’t mean it literally...” 

“Right, I didn’t. I was talking about how you lacked companionship with your own mind and heart. Anyone can and should learn to love themselves; that is why no one is ever truly alone as long as they don’t lose themselves.”

Mingyu lets silence settle between them for a long while after this. He doesn’t think about much, and only watches the way the leaves of trees flutter in the breeze. 

“Granny, you said you came back here because you wanted to see this place one last time before um... _leaving_ , right?" 

“Right I did.”

“Would you like to stay here until then?”

“I thought you would never ask,” she softly chuckled. “Yes, I would. Thank you for offering.”

 

 

 

Granny Mizuha passed away in Mingyu’s guest room on Friday in her sleep.

Mingyu only realized when he went to her room to see why she hadn’t woken up yet for breakfast.

At first he was speechless and shocked, especially by the timing. But then when he thought about it, it really wasn’t surprising at all.

Mingyu immediately called her daughter who came with the hospice nurse to legally pronounce death. It was all a strange process to him.

Even though he barely knew the old lady, sadness still tugged his heart at the situation. He thought about her peaceful face when she said she was ready to go, and all the words of advice and wisdom she offered him.

Mingyu stared at her as they took away her body. He wondered how the days leading up to death felt for someone. How did it feel to look back on life after living it all?  

After all, life was a funny thing. Moments could pass by sluggishly, feeling endless— _another_ tiring day of work, _another_ exhausting day of school, and so on. But once that moment in time was over, it suddenly felt fleeting.

It passed by at such a sluggish pace, but then when the end grew visible, people were suddenly left wondering where all the ample time they thought they had was suddenly gone.

He wondered if dying of old age was a little like that too.

He wondered if people so close to death looked over their shoulders from the finish line, at all the good and bad, and contemplated if they truly gave it their best; or if they looked back and remembered the hundreds of connections they made and broke over the course of their life— some encounters being fleeting, while some lasting a lifetime— but nonetheless realizing that once they died, their existence would be reduced to nothing but the memories of these encounters.

 

  

 

Over the next number of months, as time continued ticking forward, Mingyu stopped minding the emptiness of the house.

He didn’t feel the loneliness sink into the pits of his stomach as often. Instead, coming back after a tiring day of work to an empty and cold house just meant flicking on the lights and huddling into his blankets to watch his favourite TV show. 

Maybe feeling less lonely and pathetic was the side effect of Mingyu learning to love himself a little more.

He stopped thinking about the emptiness of the side of the bed that Wonwoo typically slept in, and just slept sprawled out over the middle.

Mingyu pursued new hobbies, hung out with friends and tried to live as best he could.

He started appreciating the smaller moments he had by himself as well, and found solace in the quiet mornings and evenings where he’d just hum along to music while making dinner or cleaning. He enjoyed sitting by the ocean sometimes and just appreciating its lull at dawn and dusk.

He cared about himself more, and stopped himself from tunneling down his dark and lonely thoughts.

And before he knew it, he was saying his goodbye to much of his work until September, and was relaxing under the bright sun and sparkling waters that came with July.

Summer had become a strange time of year for Mingyu, as it was pretty much the new page to his life. For most people, New Years probably was the time— but for Mingyu, it was summer.

Summer was when he first bought this house and met Wonwoo. Summer was when Wonwoo left and he got into the accident. Summer was when Granny Mizuha passed away.

And now, it was summer again.

He had just finished grocery shopping when he decided to grab some coffee at the nearby Starbucks. As he was waiting for his drink to be made, he glanced into the attached bookstore beside the coffee shop. A single rack advertising a book titled “Without You” caught his eye, and he immediately gravitated towards it.

He picked one copy of the book, and couldn’t stop himself from smiling at cover. He had read some reviews of it since it came out. He knew the book had gained a surprising amount of popularity over a short period of time. 

Mingyu headed to the counter with his coffee in one hand to buy the book.

For some reason, today gave him a light feeling and he was in a good mood. Maybe he should go biking later, he thought to himself as he drove back home.

He entered his house lightly humming, and was about to wear his slippers when a small noise caught his attention.

Mingyu looked up to see what it was, and his heart nearly stopped.

His steps came to a sudden halt and the grocery bags slipped from his hands.

There was Jeon Wonwoo, sitting by the windowsill, eyes fluttered shut, unmoving except for the slow rise and fall of his chest.

Mingyu stood there in shock and even pinched himself to see if this was a dream.

(No, it was very much real.)

Wonwoo stirred, likely due to his sudden loud movements. Slowly his eyes unfurled, and he turned to look at Mingyu with a dazed, half asleep stare.

Mingyu was speechless. He didn’t know what to say. Luckily Wonwoo seemed more awake after he blinked a couple more times, and was finally the one to break the silence.

“You still leave an extra pair of keys underneath your potting plants." 

His voice sounded raspy and low, as it always did after waking up from sleep or even a nap. Mingyu’s insides shook with the familiarity and his heart grew louder with each passing second.

When he didn’t respond, Wonwoo softly smiled. “I’m sorry for entering without permission. I needed to use the washroom badly.”

When Mingyu’s jaw finally started to work, he parted his lips to say something back but only some unidentifiable noise from the back of his throat came out.

He was filled with the sudden, overwhelming urge to rush up to Wonwoo and take him in his arms and... He didn’t understand what was wrong with him— hadn’t it been long enough for him to stop feeling this way? He thought he had finally gotten over these things, but apparently seeing Wonwoo in front of him, with his hair slightly disheveled, in a loose black shirt, and eyes all sleepy and soft made all the headlong dizzying rush of _feelings_ come back.

Nothing had changed. No matter how much Mingyu had changed, no matter how much Wonwoo might have changed, at the core, Mingyu’s feelings were so stagnant.

Mingyu learned one important thing that day; and it was that being in _love_ with Wonwoo couldn’t flicker out like a dying flame as he thought it could. Distance didn’t make the heart grow weaker— only fonder.

Wonwoo’s eyes were now cautious as he took uncertain steps towards Mingyu.

“I’m sorry for coming here without any notice,” he chuckled nervously as he stopped a foot before Mingyu. “To be honest, it was kind of a last minute decision on my part. And I don’t know your phone number, you changed it and—”

Suddenly Mingyu couldn’t stand this anymore, and he pulled Wonwoo into such a tight hug it may have almost hurt him. Apparently seeing Wonwoo again also meant all rational thought went out the window

“Mingyu.”

The tumbling feeling of Wonwoo’s deep voice against his shoulders was what made Mingyu snap out of it.

 _Oh god, what was he doing?_ So much could have changed since the time they last saw each other, yet here he was pushing himself onto Wonwoo when he had no idea the implications of his actions. 

Immediately, he started pulling away and profusely apologizing. “Oh god, this is weird, I’m sorry I didn’t m—" 

“Mingyu,” Wonwoo said again, and this time his arm shot out to hold Mingyu’s back and keep him from moving away any further.

He blinked down in surprise at Wonwoo who was staring at him with a piercing gaze of a thousand coals.

“I...” Wonwoo’s voice immediately dropped several volumes and he could sense the hesitant nature of it. “I missed you,” he finally said, so soft and barely audible.

Mingyu’s eyes widened, and before he knew it, tears were dribbling down his face. He hadn’t cried since the accident, but now he was crying.

He was actually crying.

“I— I missed you too,” he let out between sobs.

Wonwoo immediately started to wipe the tears from his cheeks, but with every swipe of his hand, his vision blurred all over again. Wonwoo was sniffling slightly too now, and his voice sounded wobbly as though he was trying suppress his tears.

“I’m sorry for hurting you so much, and for—”

“No, no stop.” Mingyu let out a watery deprecating laugh, heavy with emotion. “Stop apologizing,” he hiccupped, trying to get his feelings under control. “You... you apologized 6 times in your letter, I counted, and 3 times these past 5 minutes. You don’t need to apologize anymore, you got that?" 

“Are you sure about that?” Wonwoo sniffed.

“I understand... I understand why you did what you did. I just wish you told me how you truly felt. It’s like you never trusted me enough to know. That hurt more than anything.”

Wonwoo’s gentle hands carded through Mingyu’s hair and it started calming him down.

“I know, I shouldn’t have done that.” A fresh tear dribbled from Wonwoo’s eyes and for a split second Mingyu could only watch in fascination, because this was his first time seeing Wonwoo actually cry. He quickly brought his hand up to brush the liquid away and gently stroked Wonwoo’s cheeks with his thumb.

“T-The way I was back then, I was just so afraid of everything. Afraid of ruining your happiness, afraid of not being brave enough to leave if I saw you, and spoke to you, and... I was just a mess. I made decisions on impulse, but may be that’s what I needed in order to grow and _change_ like I wanted to.”

“I understand.”

“Really?” Wonwoo directed his gaze back into Mingyu’s eyes and stayed there.

“Of course,” Mingyu pulled him back into a hug and hid his face in Wonwoo’s shoulder. “Truth to be told, I wasn’t at my best back then either. I was really insecure. And that probably influenced your decisions in a way...”

“Everything was just wrong huh,” Wonwoo laughed softly.

“Yeah, back then it was." 

“How about now? Do you think we can change that now?” Wonwoo whispered, and something like uncertainty made his voice waver slightly.

“Yes,” Mingyu firmly responded. He didn’t want to be so unsure about where they stood anymore.

“Really? You forgive me?” Wonwoo choked out, another tear dribbling down his cheek.

“I never blamed you in the first place,” he shook his head and leaned forward until their foreheads were pressed together.

“But I—" 

Before Wonwoo could get the sentence out, Mingyu softly leaned forward kissed the words off of his lips.

The kiss was as chaste as anything, only a couple seconds long, but when they parted they were both slightly out of breath.

And suddenly, Mingyu didn’t understand for the life of him how he survived all this time _without_ kissing Wonwoo. Wonwoo’s lips felt the same; soft and smooth... and just like the first time, Mingyu was still just as addicted.

He leaned forward again, and this time the kiss was deeper and had him closing his eyes tighter together.

“You know,” Wonwoo breathed heavily when they parted for a second of air, “when I came here I was expecting you to have already moved on, and that you’d just tell me to fuck off. I thought you’d be dating some guy way more amazing and kind, that wasn’t as emotionally constipated, and was great at communicating, and just... actually deserving of you." 

“Ok, I never fucking want to hear that ever again.”

“It’s true,” Wonwoo let out a low chuckle, though it sounded bleak more than anything. “I only came here to apologize to you in person, because it’s different than saying something over a letter. _This_ ,” Wonwoo pointed between the two of them, “is the last thing I expected to happen.”

“Wonwoo, I swear if you think you’re not good enough for me, you’re crazy. I don’t want to hear that kind of crazy talk. If I get to have you, then that would make me the luckiest person alive.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Wonwoo murmured as he pressed soft kisses against the moles on Mingyu’s cheeks. “I’m the one who hurt _you_ , remember?”

“Honestly, I hurt myself much more. But that’s going to change...” Mingyu paused slightly. “I already said I forgive you, didn’t I?”

“Yes but really, you can’t be that easy and trusting,” Wonwoo looked back up at him and frowned.

Mingyu couldn’t help but laugh now. “Fine. Just promise me two things then.” 

“I’m listening.” 

“One. You will never fucking leave me again. Even if we’re separated by distance, we’ll still be together.”

“I promise I won’t,” Wonwoo shook his head. “Never again." 

Mingyu smiled and kissed his cheek. “And two. We have to actually communicate. If either one of us is unhappy, we have to talk about things _directly_. We can’t just beat around the bush with things that matter.”

“That’s a deal.”

Mingyu could feel a smile unfurling on his face and stretching so wide. It felt like he hadn’t smiled _this_ widely in so long. He wasn’t unhappy when Wonwoo _wasn’t_ here. In fact, he was doing ok. But now that Wonwoo was here, a new kind of happiness was thrumming through him; a happiness so strong it could be felt through every fibre of his being. 

Mingyu gazed back down at Wonwoo, keeping him secure in his arms. He wanted to lean in and steal another kiss, but Wonwoo suddenly seemed distracted and was looking past him. Mingyu looked over his shoulder in confusion to see what his eyes were focused on.

“What is it?” 

“I can’t believe you bought it,” Wonwoo stifled a laugh.

Mingyu’s eyes trailed down to the floor where he had dropped his grocery bags. The pale pastel blue and pink ombre cover of the book he had bought was visible from the knocked over bag.

“Of course, how could I not? I was going to read it on my own obviously, but now I expect you to read it _to_ me.”

“And if I’m in New York?”

“Skype,” Mingyu shrugged happily. 

“Oh jeez, you’re such a pain,” Wonwoo whined, but there was a wide and beautiful smile spreading across his lips, teeth visible and all.

“Ok wait. Scratch that, you have to promise me three things.”

“What’s the third one?”

“You have to let me read every single thing you wrote. Published or not.”

“What if it’s shitty?”

Mingyu pulled Wonwoo even closer in his arms. “Nothing you write could ever be shitty.”

“That’s a highly inaccurate and biased statement.”

“Shut up, I’m right ok,” he pressed a kiss at the tip of Wonwoo’s nose who just laughed.

“By the way, do you want good news?” Wonwoo tilted his head cutely.

“Yes, good news is always welcome,” Mingyu grinned.

“Uhm well my time with my mentor is done, and I can always do my work for the publishing team over the computer online so...”

Mingyu’s grin grew impossibly large, and he leaned down to kiss Wonwoo firmly on the lips this time. “How quickly can you move back?”

“A month." 

Mingyu could only pout in response.

“A month is not that long Gyu! You spent like endless of months without me, but now you’re acting like you can’t live without me for 30 days?”

“I’m clingy ok?”

“I’m aware of that,” Wonwoo was grinning teasingly.

“You know, it’s the summer time,” Mingyu smiled thoughtfully. “I guess I’ll just go to New York with you. I could use a vacation from this place.”

“Wow, just inviting yourself over now?”

“Don’t lie to me and say you mind." 

It was Wonwoo’s turn to pout now. “You’re the worst.”

“Yeah, but you love me." 

Wonwoo took his hand and softly smiled, before placing a kiss on his knuckles. “Yeah, I do.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow I can't believe we're done. I honestly don’t know about this ending... was it unsatisfying? Like I very much enjoyed writing the premise to this story, but I didn’t plan things too well chapter to chapter, and was really thrown off balance by heavy school work.....so I wonder if this final chapter is good enough to make everything that happened in the other 6 chapters believable?? I have doubts lol. I mean I did go the completely sugary sweet happy ending route as I wanted (because I simply can't do sad endings to my poor characters and ships) and the ending is ENTIRELY self-indulgent, but I’m scared it lacked the impact I wanted considering the build up... 
> 
> Of course all that being said.... considering this is the first fic I've ever written, and the first piece of creative writing I've even tried to tackle since like middle school lol (i'm not kidding ahahha....) I’m happy I at least got it done and told a complete story. Anyway, please do tell me your thoughts though~ criticism and all! I won't mind ^^ Also while you're reading this, maaaaybe check out my other fic that I'm working on currently~ I’m working on two at once actually xD


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